The World According to Jake

Jake (at right) and his buddies

editor's note: Male turkeys are known as "Jakes," with the dominant male of the flock being known as the "Tom."  Females are "Jennies."  On our farm, there are also turkeys we have named "Ima", "Muck" and "Myra."  All turkeys on our farm are also called "Knuckleheads."  This last is especially true when they get out of their pasture and explore areas we'd rather not have them go.  A week before their trip to the "Park," we asked Jake (one of them) to give you a look at the farm from his point of view.

Before I get started, I want to make one thing clear.  I do not write stories unless I get tomatoes.
Or cucumbers.
Since the big turkey with the red hat gave me tomatoes AND cucumbers this morning, I might be willing to tell you a thing or two about the farm.

Jake and friends in their room.  Jake is in front.  Yes, that one THERE is Jake.

My first memories are of life in our room.  The big turkeys (ed note: Jake refers to Rob and Tammy as the big turkeys) would come and give us food and fresh water.  They spread dead grassy stuff on the floor.  The grassy stuff was fun to kick around and look at.  One day, a flying thing was in the room.  It was smaller than us ,but it was very fast.  After we watched it for a while,  Muck suggested that we should try to catch it so we could look at it.  Everyone joined in.  We ran around, jumped and tried to catch the flying thing.  One of the big turkeys saw this and made strange noises that sounded a bit like "ha ha ha."  We don't know what that was about.

Muck and Myra

Have I mentioned that I don't give interviews without tomatoes?
Or maybe some cucumbers.

Like these:

Tomatoes too good for turkey food.

Hey!  Ignore the caption.  Aren't you surprised I know what a caption is?  If it has anything to do with yummy tomatoes or cucumbers, I know it.  Even if I might forget that I know it later.  (ed note: at this point, Jake ran out to check for more tomatoes and cucumbers and forgot to come back - we had to go get him.)


 
Oh, hi.  What do you want?  Tell you about the farm?  Ok.  Do you have tomatoes or cucumbers?  Later?  Ok.

Our noisy neighbors - "Almost a Turkeys"

We have noisy neighbors.  They're kind of weird, "Almost a Turkeys".  But, they make lots of squawky, irritating noises.  They really think they're something.  But, we show them.  Whenever one of them makes their pitiful little noises we give them one of our excellent 'crowd gobbles!'  Thing is, they're all so stupid...they just don't get it.  They keep squeeking and squawking along.  But, one of these days we'll get them to listen.

Preparing for a "Crowd Gobble"

  One day, we had a visit from a bunch of little, bald turkeys.  Well, they weren't entirely bald.  They had these wispy feathers on the tops of their heads.  We thought they were pretty interesting.  And, they seemed to think we were pretty cool too.

The visit of the little 'bald' turkeys

They brought us some lovely cucumbers and threw them to us.  We decided they were really neat friends.  We like anyone who brings us these:

A good way to be a turkey's friend.

 We were sad when they decided to leave.  So, we gathered and gave them one last "crowd gobble."

Gift accepted, crowd gobble of appreciation returned to the giver.

 There are some other odd creatures on the farm.  One of them who visits often by walking along the edge of our room on... get this, this is really funny... FOUR LEGS!  Can you believe it?  It makes these silly "mewing" noises.  But, we know what to do.

Funny thing that walks on four legs (not currently walking)

 We give them the 18 feather salute!  This usually shows other turkeys or almost a turkeys or anything else how incredibly wonderful we are.  Usually, they have to stop what they're doing and admit we are the best.

The 18-Feather Salute

So, about those cucumbers and tomatoes?  Now?

(concluding ed. note: Jake and the rest of the turkeys have taken their trip to the park.  We are pleased to say that every bird currently has a reserved seat for Thanksgiving dinners throughout the area.  We have to admit that we are both relieved and sad that they have moved on.  Until next year!)