So Many Worthless Words

Writing, what's the point?

I have set writing goals for myself over the years.  Some of them I have failed to reach.

Okay, most of them I have failed to reach.  Why? Because, I have a tendency to set expectations that are either too ambitious to be realistic or, more frequently, my target moves on me as I pursue my goal.  But, there is one type of goal I have managed to achieve with some regularity - and it has to do with just continuing to write.  

For example, when the pandemic really started to hit home for us in April of 2020 (and when I started the job with PAN), I decided I would pick up the pace on blog production for our farm blog.  In fact, I decided to blog every day for three months - and I achieved that.  Since that time, I've posted 275 blogs or more each year (2020-2022) and I am at about 250 with this post for 2023.

It's so tempting to sit back and mock myself.  So much time wasted.  So many worthless words pushed into a yawning black hole that doesn't even bother to suck them down because they don't have any substance.

And perhaps this would be the case if my goals for this blog were to establish a vast readership, "monetize" the content, and/or "make a name for myself."  Because, of course, I have accomplished none of those goals.  Oh, I have periodically written things that have gotten a bit more attention and I've received more than my share of kind words and compliments.  But if you want to measure the success of this blog by electronic media standards - this blog only stands out for its sheer stubbornness in persisting longer than most people might think would make sense.

Why write?

So, if I question my own wisdom with respect to this dedication to writing, why do I keep doing it?  

I do ask myself this question every so often.  I wonder if I should stop, or write less, or write differently.  I reassess my motivations and purposes.  I try to determine if the words "because I want to" are enough to justify the effort.

I even spend a few moments looking to other people's writing to see if there are insights there I can use as I ponder these thoughts.

This blog by a person who goes by Profound Familiarity was interesting in that the writer doesn't really attribute any great moral virtue to writing.  Instead, they simply conclude that they see it as a part of their life, they're happy that they've stuck with it for twenty years, and they feel good that it is a part of their life.

Hm.  I can relate to some of that at least.  The question now is - am I ok with simply telling myself that I feel good that writing is simply a part of my life?

I also came across this "article" on the Kaiser Permanente site that espouses the benefits of jouraling or writing.  While this is probably a mash up of material from all sorts of locations and is not likely to be attributed to a particular author, it does summarize a few points that might be worth considering.

They suggest journaling (if you can call this blog a journal) is one way to maintain your health by reducing stress and anxiety, gain self-confidence and find inspiration.  Of course, they use the typical "click-bait" approach by giving us "7 surprising benefits" to keeping a journal.  So, is it odd I found none of their seven items to be... um... surprising?

I'll be honest with you.  I didn't find either of these blogs or articles to be hugely engaging or particularly well-written.  But, they still provided me with food for thought.  It's a good reminder that something doesn't have to be high art to have value.

Then, I came to this article by the Marginalian (Maria Popova).  The article is from 2014 by a person who has dedicated themselves to writing for quite some time.  The by-line material suggests that they have been doing this for seventeen years.  This article is a bit sprawling, but there is some quality writing here and some real depth to the exploration.

The content is about what some celebrated authors have said about keeping a journal and there are lots of tidbits there worthy of consideration.

But, is this the same thing as a journal?

As I read the article in the Marginalian, I realized that there is a fundamental difference between what those authors are discussing and what you see here.  A diary or a journal is typically a fully inward facing document.  These blogs are almost always written with an outward facing quality.  They are written to be read, rather than written to be written.

So, even though none of these articles fit perfectly, some things still ring true.  This is a testing ground for ideas, thoughts and words.  Sometimes things that start here become refined and find homes or purposes that are bigger than this blog.  Sure, I admit that nothing I've written or said has likely gotten much attention outside a fairly small circle of people in this world.  And that's ok.  But, if something that started here made a small positive difference somewhere - that's a win.

This is also a place where I work to refine a craft.  If I write frequently, it becomes easier to write well when my job at Pesticide Action Network requires it.  If I write often, I have prepared and organized my thoughts on a multitude of topics so that when I am invited to speak, I present those thoughts more easily and more clearly than I might have otherwise.   

And, of course, this is a place to share learning, promote ideas for small-scale, diversified farming, and to try to shine a bit of a light on what can seem like a very dark world at times.

But I still have to ask myself if I desire to write often or if the momentum of having written often is simply dragging me along.

I have no real answer for that.  And maybe I don't need one.