It's All About Me

I do not particularly care much for spending time on Facebook or other social media sites.  But, it is part of my job with Pesticide Action Network to periodically post for the organization or create material that goes on social media.  And, it was one way to reach people who were (or still are) interested in our farm.

 

 

It's not that I don't understand why people might enjoy social media - and I can certainly identify some of the positive things that come with it.  For example, there aren't many folks who love postal history that live near me, and I can't often travel to where those people gather.  But, suddenly online gathering centers provide me with opportunities I wouldn't have otherwise.

 

But, in general, social media just isn't my thing.  I suppose a big part of it is the fact that I am a bit of an analytic.  I prefer to think on things a bit more and I don't like to flit around too much.  It feels to me like that's what's happening on social media sites all the time - lots of flitting.  And, I tire of the focus in social media sites on riling people up, over-simplifying things that are complex, and... well... outright untruths.

 

Oddly enough, that actually gives you a reason why I still participate - I hope to balance things out at least a little bit - even though I am aware that my influence is quite limited.

Sometimes, I see something that makes me think

 

I first saw the following in social media six years ago and I wrote about it then.  As I was looking around for Throwback candidate posts, I came across this one and felt it was worth revisiting and revising.
 

 

So you don't have to read the image, here is what it says:

"The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us to become the best version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great.

We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the best version of ourselves." from the Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly

I am often bothered by the lack of citation given by many who put these things on Facebook, so I hunted the source down and provide it above.

The quote seems nice, but is there a dark side?

I don't necessarily disagree with the quote.  Evidence in my own life has shown me that others certainly have influence over what I do and how well I do it.  In fact, I readily give credit to many, MANY other people for giving me a boost when I needed it and/or provided me with a model to follow.  And, yes, it certainly is easier to reach goals with positive people around you to challenge you to do your best in everything you do.

But, I see these negative implications too:

1. You should exclude people from your life who will not be a benefit to you.  Unless, of course, you really want to be a failure.
2. It's all about ME.  
3. There is no reason to concern yourself with supporting someone else.  We should not concern ourselves with being an agent for change. 
4. The only change you should seek for yourself is to collect the proper friends and discard the improper ones. Clearly, you do not have to work to improve yourself.
   
5. You are too weak and you are unable to resist bad influences from people who are around you - so run away from bad influences as fast as you can.
   

I suspect Mr. Kelly doesn't intend for me to come to those conclusions.  After all, any time we try to boil wisdom down into a paragraph or two (or a sentence... or two words) we are encouraging conclusions that may not be consistent with what we were hoping to impart.  Perhaps if we read all of his book, we might find a balance - some sort of discussion about our role and responsibility in and for the lives of others.

But, we do not (and will not) get the whole story with a social media post that is intended to illicit response. Instead, we get a bunch of people getting the message that they should jettison those from their list of friends (on social media and real life) who fail to be an absolute positive influence.

I don't know about you, but I don't believe anyone is perfect - so, we'll all be friendless in short order if we follow that logic.

Why did I take it in this direction?

You knew I would take this back to social media, didn't you?  Well, I had observed how this particular image was being received and the comments it elicited.  For the most part, it was affirmation that there were "the right people" to surround yourself with and "the wrong people."  It was paired with the old saw that "if you want to be a millionaire, you surround yourself with millionaires."

It was, of course "me-centric."  How can I find people that will make me successful?

Well, a word of advice.  If the millionaires are living by the maxim that they need to be surrounded by the right people (other millionaires), what makes any of the rest of us think we could somehow surround ourselves with millionaires so we could join them?  Hint: we couldn't/can't.

Unless - some of them are willing to be agents of change in our lives.

Once again, the reality is more complex than a simple social media meme or a couple of paragraphs from a book that probably said much more than what was shared.  There is some truth here, but it is deeper than social media often lets us see.

The truth is that we each need to find our own strength to decide for ourselves what influence we are willing to accept and act on from others who are close to us.  The truth is that there might be times when someone close to us has become someone who needs to be moved further away.  The truth is that we can get energy from these people to do good, to do evil, or to do nothing.  And the truth is that we can give energy for the same.

And the truth is - it doesn't have to be all about me.

Maybe we can make it about those around us?

Help those around you to become the best version of themselves that they can be.  Help them to raise their standards.  Help them to remember their essential purposes in life.  Positively challenge them to do and be their best.  And, in so doing, you will achieve something wonderful.  And perhaps, so will they.