Auto Exploits - Faux Real Story Week

This week, as we approach the longest night of the year, I thought we could all gather around the virtual fire each day and I would tell you all a story.  

Well, not just a story.  A Faux Real Story!  These stories aren't fictional, but I've been told they are, nonetheless, somewhat entertaining.  So, sip on some hot chocolate, reach your hands out to warm them by the fire... and enjoy.

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A person's first vehicle is often two things: 

1. not the most reliable or attractive vehicle on the road, and 
2. the eventual source of several stories.  

In my case, Einstein the Land Yacht rapidly developed its own mythology that I was happy to perpetuate - once I got out of whatever situation I was in with the car at the time.

Einstein was huge, with a trunk that just might have been big enough to put a sub-compact car into it as a back-up vehicle.  By the time the car entered my possession, it had seen its best days.  But, when it was new, it had some amazing (and new for the time) features.  This car actually had shoulder strap seat belts, which was not a standard feature in 1972.  It even had cruise control, which still worked....sort of...

So, about that cruise control.  I learned the hard way that it didn't quite work when I set it at the speed limit and then I got pulled over for speeding.  Why?  Well, I hadn't noticed that the speed the cruise had me running at kept inching upward as I drove.  It would reset each time I slowed down for a turn or a stop, but then it would start inching up again.  The thing about this vehicle is it actually rode better when the car went faster, so it didn't seem like we were going all that fast.  But, the objects by the side of the road did seem to pass quicker than maybe they should have.

The officer must have noticed the shocked look on my face and let me go with a warning.  Sometimes an honest reaction is the best one.

And, of course, the car had some rust.  

Okay, it had a LOT of rust.  We put a doubled up carpet into the trunk to make sure things didn't FALL OUT as I went down the road.  It wasn't as if it was a huge hole.  But, it was enough that loose objects bounce through the hole and onto the pavement below.  There were also holes in the floor of the passenger compartment that were not visible because they were covered up by carpet pieces too.

On the other hand, if you were driving on days like this...  it was a whole different story.

The resulting natural air conditioning was so effective that Einstein's heater had no shot of keeping up.  The good news, for me, was that there was more draft on the passenger side.  So, if I was alone in the car, it wasn't too bad.

Ah, who am I kidding?  There was a reason I stopped at gas stations more often during winter trips.  Yes, the car went through gas like no one's business, that's true.  But, I had to get out and run around a bit to get the feeling back into my feet.  And yes, I am exaggerating a bit... I think.

Riding in this car may be the reason Tammy has gotten into the habit of wrapping a blanket around herself when she is passenger in any car during the winter.  A couple of winter trips in Einstein was enough to scar anyone for life.

I think it would also be accurate to say that Einstein was not running about as often as it was running.  Still, that car always got me TO the destination before it decided break down.  The relatively frequent periods where it would fail to work was good for me because it got me to walk to work more often.  

During one of these periods of Einstein "not working," the issue was a dead battery, which was something I could figure out how to replace without getting it towed to a shop.

Unfortunately, the closest place to get a new battery was about two and a half miles away.  The weather was getting colder and we had a light, drizzly rain on the day the trip was made to get that battery.  At the time, my friend, Phil, shared the apartment with me, so we took a walk together to run this errand.  Okay, we walked, we did not run.

Of course, the walk there wasn't all that bad.  As I said, I was used to walking, as was Phil.  But, once the battery was purchased, it still had to be taken all the way BACK to the parking lot at the apartment complex.  Let me say this - car batteries are NOT easy to carry and they can easily weigh 40 to 50 pounds.  And, to add insult to injury, the rain was starting to pick up and the daylight hours were waning.

We took turns lugging that battery.  Sometimes trying to carry it on a shoulder, sometimes with two hands in front of our bodies, and a few times we tried to carry it like a football.  And I remember getting a bit more disgusted with the world after most everyone driving by gave us curious looks, but no one stopped to ask if we could use some help.  

I suppose we just looked like two young idiots taking their pet car battery for a constitutional.  Each person who saw us and gawked, but drove by, were probably either too astonished by what they were seeing or confused by it to make any decision to offer help.  That, and I am sure we were kind of scary looking to some folks.  I really can't judge.  But, I sure wanted to at the time.  It was simply a measure of how much of a struggle the task of carrying this thing was getting to be that I was letting myself get irritated with anyone who happened to have the misfortune to look at us.

We did, eventually, get back to the apartment.  And, after struggling up the steep drive to the parking area, I just put the battery into Einstein's spacious back seat, where it would sit until the next morning.  And, that next morning, I put the battery in and Einstein started right up!  We took a quick drive around the block to test it out and then parked the car in the lot.  I had visions of getting to drive to work on Monday dancing in my head.  Based on the weather forecast, my other option was to trudge there in the rain.

I got up the next morning and went to the car and turned key in the ignition.  

And I got no response.

The battery was dead.

That's when I learned what an alternator was for. Well, that and how problems with an electrical system can drain a battery.

Well, at least an alternator didn't weigh as much as a battery.