Do You Want to Feel Needed?

Sometimes you hear things in passing that get you to thinking, even if what you heard was out of context and not meant for you specifically.  Not too long ago I heard someone as I passed by.. or they passed by.. say a phrase that I've heard others say and maybe I've even thought or said it myself.

"I just want to feel needed."

I think we all get it in some way or another.  "I just want to feel needed" is a plea that says, "Please, someone, tell me that I have value and that you see that value."  It's a natural feeling.  It's normal to want to see evidence that others "see you" and recognize your presence and your... necessity... in this world.

And, before I go to far, let me say this.  You are needed.  The place you hold in this world is made for you and it is up to you how you operate in that space.  I recognize that many spaces are far more difficult to be in than others - but it is still your space and I see you there.  Thank you for being you and being who you are.

But, let's not take this desire to be needed thing too far.  If we predicate our own happiness on being "needed" in every space that we enter, we are likely to be very disappointed and VERY unhappy.

I remember how hard I worked at one of my early jobs out of college.  I worked all sorts of unpaid overtime.  I never said "no" when I was asked if I could do something, even with short notice.  I was doing everything I could to reach that point where I was the necessary cog for the machine that was the place I worked.  I was certain that, eventually, others would recognize my critical value to the organization and things would be ... good ... once that happened.

I worked so hard that I got sick.  I missed some work time.  So, I cut back my hours, realizing that I had to balance my life a bit better.  And, I got my recognition - in the form of a "concern that I was not working as many hours" as I had before.  There wasn't really any concern for me, as a person.  Just that I did not seem to want to be working as slavishly for this place as I had before I fell ill.

To make a long story less long, I eventually left that place of work.  Despite my absence, they eventually did finish the project I had been working on too.  They did NOT really "need" me to accomplish what was done.  That doesn't mean my contributions had no value.  In fact, looking back, I am sure they did.  If I were never involved they would have gotten somewhere - just like they did with my involvement.  The "somewhere" might have been different, but "somewhere" would have been reached.

Not everyone is motivated in the same way I am, but enough people are.  We want to show others that we are useful, that we are valuable, that we can accomplish and do good things on behalf of those we work for.  We have a tendency to discard much of ourselves in that quest to show that we are an important and critical resource.  But, we do so without recognizing that we may be asking to be needed in the wrong places and in the wrong ways.

After all, that business I worked for?  It had been active for decades before I came along and it continues to do its thing to this day.  My presence certainly was NOT needed for it to continue to exist and do what it did/does.  

I needed to change my goal from being "the necessary cog" in the machine to a "useful cog."  Instead of wanting to feel needed, I have learn that I actually needed to be helpful... in whatever it was I hoped to be doing.  That meant I needed to keep myself healthy so I could consistently be a positive member of the team.  An over-worked, burnt out individual is going to break down and become less than helpful eventually.

So, do you want to be needed?  Well, you are.  Because you're the only you we've got!  But instead of trying to make the case that we are needed - needed more than anyone else - maybe we should all make the case to ourselves that we need to be helpful.  And, we have to recognize that we cannot be helpful if we are not also caring for ourselves.

Do you want to feel needed?  Well, you are!  I need you to be helpful.  I need you to be kind.  I need you to do the best you can in whatever you do.  And, I need you to find ways to keep learning to be the best you that you can be.

Have a good remainder of your day, and thank you for joining me on the blog today.