It's the beginning of the month and an excellent time on the Genuine Faux Farm blog to look at some new and exciting things that just might be happening here in 2022 or look back at some events we have not mentioned thus far on the blog. Rather than spend lots of time on an introduction this time around, I'd like to get right to it!
GFF Finalist in "Ugly Farm" Competition
Sometimes, you just have to embrace what you have and make the most of it. When we heard about the Ugly Farm Competition sponsored by the Youth in Urban Communities organization (they work to connect urban youth to rural areas - though we're unsure of the message this particular event might be sending), we looked at each other and said, "Why not?"
We walked around our farm, looking for the worst possible angles from which we could take a picture and I think we found a winner right here! This area is located in the south side of the Poultry Pavilion and is certainly not the most aesthetically pleasing place we have at the Genuine Faux Farm.
All competitors were required to send a "portfolio" of three photos and an essay explaining why our farm should win the prize, an all-expense paid trip to somewhere OTHER than the ugly farm where the entrants are currently living. Ok. I suspect they had limits on what you could choose as a destination, but we thought a free trip might be worth writing a fifty word essay and taking a few pictures.
Unfortunately for our farm, we were disqualified in the finals when Y.U.C. performed a check of social media and internet presence for each of the competitors. Apparently, they were concerned that each farm should be truly awful in appearance. We were told our entry was being removed from the competition by virtue of this photo that graces our Facebook page header.
While we couldn't argue with them that this picture is actually quite nice to look at, we were a little miffed that this felt a bit like a bait and switch to us. I mean, they didn't REALLY mean that our farm should be truly (and completely) ugly did they? Well, apparently they did.
But there were other things that turned out just fine - like the....
Virtual Barn Tour Selects GFF Barn
The 2022 Virtual Barn Tour has considered numerous old barn sites from the Upper Midwest and the Genuine Faux Farm has been was selected to participate! Very few sites are selected each year and we were told that the number of locations chosen this year was the lowest number yet. Even so, our barn rose to the top of all the prospective sites!
The Virtual Barn Tour has increased in scope and popularity as the number of old barns remaining on farmsteads have decreased over the past couple of decades. "Besides," one of the organizers told us in the interview, "people are always keen to pay attention to things that are no longer available to them - and this is no exception."
In order to qualify, a barn must be structurally unsound and it must have been in use at some point after the year 2000. According to the organizers, it does not matter whether the building was considered sound or not during that period of use. Barns scored extra points if the remainders of old hay bales and a few broken implements were in or near the structure itself. Structures had to be at least one hundred years old and evidence of raccoons or woodchucks around the building is a plus.
Fortunately, in this case, our barn was selected before last August's storm took it down the rest of the way. When informed of this, the Virtual Barn Tour organizers were very supportive and assured us that all was well. "After all," they said, "this tour encourages people to use their imagination - that's where the 'virtual' part comes in. It's not like anyone is actually going to be there to walk through the rubble anyway."
Preparing for the Veggie Farmer Games
After a couple of year hiatus due to the COVID pandemic, the Veggie Farmer Games, sponsored by several Iowa farming organizations, will once again be held in the state. For those who are not aware of them, Veggie Farmer Games started in 2010, when a small group of farmers got together to find out who could clean the most garlic cloves and prepare them for planting in a half hour period.
Since that first gathering, the VFG event has been held at least once a year (twice if enough veggie farmers have the desire and motivation to try again at the end of the year). Each season, two events are selected, one as the primary event and the other as a back-up event in case weather, or crop failure, should preclude the first choice.
Some of the past activities include the Bare-handed Thistle Carry and the Windy-day Drip Tape Laying Competition. I think my personal favorite was the Make a Cultivation Tool out of Chewing Gum and Baling Wire Event from a few years ago.
This year, the event is the Nest and Stack Harvest Tray Carry. Participants will lug ever-increasing numbers of stacked crates from one end of a 100 foot long obstacle course that includes seed trays, bags of vermiculite, and at least one item with wheels. At the end of the course, the stack of trays must be quickly and efficiently "nested" and placed on a shelf that is ten feet off the ground. Falling off of the ladder and/or dropping trays during this process results in point deductions - and possibly an injury or two. But, that doesn't matter - it's the competition that counts!
Let's just say we're working hard to do better after the debacle in 2019 when Rob knocked out his partner in the Cabbage Pick and Toss. I guess they DID tell me that the toss should be underhand...and preferably thrown at a speed under fifty miles per hour.
Roll of Bed Sheets Finds Use at GFF
I'll bet you didn't know that bed sheet manufacturing companies actually produce bed sheets in continuous rolls that are five thousand feet long. I'll also bet you didn't know that bed sheet distributors have specialized cutting and hemming machines that they use just prior to packaging them on site.
Well, it turns out that a local bed sheet manufacturing company, whose name we will not divulge for various reasons, periodically has "remnants" that can be picked up in exchange for radishes. Sensing an opportunity, the Genuine Faux Farm traded last year's radish crop for one of these remnants, figuring we could turn a tidy profit if we just borrowed one of those cutting and hemming machines.
Unfortunately, when we asked about the machines, there was a lot of hemming and hawing. So, we were left with about four hundred feet of sheet. Well, we're pretty good at finding uses for things at the farm, so we figure these sheets will perform the time-honored task of protecting tender plants from a late Spring frost.
What could be better for our plants than to be tucked in with a satin-weave, 400 thread count cover? I suppose we could give each plant a little pillow.
Sunflowers Persnickity About Hand Washing
Sunflower plants are not fond of humans who have dirty hands. And, oddly enough, farmers who have been working in the dirt frequently have dirty hands.
How do we know that sunflowers don't like dirty hands?
It turns out that the sunflowers near some of the walkways on our farm demanded that they be allowed to INSPECT our hands each time we walked by. This was easy for us to ignore when the plants were only a foot or so in height. But, a sunflower can easily add six inches in height per day during the most rapid growth period.
In short, it doesn't take long before these plants are looking you IN THE EYE. And, soon after that THEY ARE LOOKING DOWN ON YOU.
Eventually, it gets to the point that you realize a sunflower plant could actually swat you pretty good with some of those big leaves. One of these plants even threatened to uproot a corn stalk and swing it at me when I tried to walk past after its firm request for a hand-cleanliness inspection.
A sunflower wielding a corn-stalk is surely something to see.
As long as you are at least twenty feet away at the time.
This year, I think we're moving the sunflowers away from our walk ways. It might have been a nice idea to have those beautiful blooms so near to us as we went about our business. But, when you have a row of a couple hundred plants and they all want to inspect your hands, you never get anything done.
And...
I guess today is April 1st. But, you already knew that, didn't you?
Annual April Fool's Posts
- 2021's Post
- 2020's Post
- 2019's Post
- 2018's Post
- 2017's Post *only have time to check out one? this is my favorite of the prior issues*
- 2016's Post
- 2015's Post
- 2014's Post
- 2013's Post
- 2012's Post
Have a great April everyone!
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