Entitled to What?

 

My siblings and I attended Emerson Hough Elementary in Newton, Iowa, and I recall being taught at least a little bit about who Emerson Hough (1857-1923), the school's namesake, was.  He was a person with many callings: teacher, lawyer, outdoorsman, writer, and conservationist.  Hough was born in Newton, graduated from the Newton schools, and went on to publish several novels.  Two of these (The Covered Wagon and North of Thirty-Six), were turned into screenplays - becoming popular silent films.

Newton, itself, was established in 1846 and had just been incorporated as a city during the year of Hough's birth (1857).  In a way, Emerson Hough was, perhaps, the first Newton-born settler to reach some level of fame.  Though, I am afraid we'll never know how Hough would have stacked up against the generations of native sons and daughters who came before as members of the Ioway.  Yet, if we look at white culture in the United States, Hough did do things worthy of recognition.

So, the school I attended was named after him.  The building was put up in 1927, so Hough was no longer alive for the building's naming.  I suspect it was not something he had asked for, but it happened nonetheless.

I got started on this topic because someone I know was sharing an article on social media and I decided I should at least look at it.  I read the first few lines and quickly skimmed the rest - rapidly giving it up as a bad cause.

The author started out the whole thing by saying they had donated millions of dollars to an institution and had a wing of a building named after them.  This had been several years ago.  But now, this person wanted special dispensation by the college to do something else.  What followed was essentially a rant about a topic that will not be mentioned here.

So, why do I bring it up?

I want to ask you this:  

If you give a gift to someone, or some organization, what does that entitle you to?

If I give a gift to a sibling's child, does that mean that I should expect - and maybe demand - their love and adoration in return?

If I donate money to the local food bank, do I expect them to cook a special meal or two for me in the future?

If this person donated money and wanted to have their name placed on a sizable chunk of a building, that's another thing altogether.  All I can say is they got more return than a gift merits.  Not because a gift is not worthy of recognition.  No.  It's because a gift is not a gift if you expect a return from it.  

This person bought publicity, personal achievement, and glory by purchasing a place to have their name prominently placed for as long as that building stands.  And now, this person wants more, solely on the basis that they gave a gift...once upon a time.

So, what are we entitled to if we give a gift - if anything?

I know that I like to receive some acknowledgement, if only to confirm that the gift was received.  And, I might admit that it means more to me if the friend, relative, or other individual to whom I gave a gift lets me know they do appreciate what they received.... assuming they actually did (please don't lie about it!). 

And, for those rare moments when I actually surprise you (and me) that I found something you really like, I do actually really enjoy hearing that you still like to use it, or look at it, or whatever.  But, I don't expect any other sort of return.  It's just nice to know that you like it, that's all.

And, when it comes to donations...  well, I always have to wonder a bit when a person seems to need to see their name in print, or receive other accolades in return for something that is supposed to be a gift.  And, I definitely have a problem when that person starts feeling like they are owed more in return for those same "gifts."

In fact, many charitable programs fall into this trap themselves by listing donors - in order from biggest donations to smallest - as if the $10 donation from a person who makes less than minimum wage is worthy of less praise than a person who donated $10,000 and for whom that 10 grand was a tiny percent of the money available to them.  

You know.  A nice list of people who donated is good enough, by way of a thank you, without highlighting who has money and who does not - don't you think?  Unless, of course, this IS a transaction.  And, if it is, let's stop calling it charity and call it for what it is.  

Then we can clearly delineate in the contract where the service being purchased starts...and where it ends.

Meanwhile, I still like the idea that I went to a school named after Emerson Hough - a person who appears to have embraced life-long learning, had an affinity for the natural word, and liked to write.  It helps that I suspect the naming of the school was not transactional in nature.  Instead, the people of the town looked at someone who had come from there and done some pretty cool things.  It's a gift that goes a couple of ways - it tells the descendants of Emerson Hough that some people thought he did pretty well in the world.  And it encourages elementary students to consider what others have done before them and to think about what they might want to go on to do.

I can live with that.