Grace

 

I am going to tell you a story that starts with Bree, the Meeting Cat and Indoor Farm Supervisor.  She was also known as the "Breeling" or my "Bree L.F." (Bree Little Friend).  I am not telling this story to elicit sympathy or bring about indignation for things gone wrong.  And I certainly don't need your judgement if you feel our decisions were misguided in the first place. 

I have another purpose and I hope you'll stick with me while I get to that destination.

We let it be known, via the blog, that Bree was declining and likely reaching the end of her life.  We did our best to be kind and consider what might be the best course of action as she approached the exit door of this world.  We did our best to look at her with clear eyes when it came to assessing if she was in excessive pain and if waiting longer for the end would be more cruel than the alternative, taking her to see the vet one last time.

One of our cues was assessing how she accepted comfort.  Bree was always a cat that would seek and gladly accept comfort from her humans.  And the good news is that Bree was able to accept that comfort until the day of that appointment with the vet.  During her last few weeks I think the only sustenance she successfully took in was that comfort - because she certainly wasn't drinking much and she wasn't keeping any food down.  That comfort kept her eyes clear and she still gave us purrs and let us know that she did appreciate what we could give.

But, we knew what was coming and we wanted to provide Bree with the kindest exit we could manage for her.  She sat in a lap and received comfort for the entire trip in the car and we did everything that we thought was right - choosing the best alternatives as the options dwindled.  The intention was for a gentle exit - one we had witnessed before with Eowyn, by using the injections to bring about sleep and then an end.

I held Bree for that first shot, but things didn't go exactly as hoped.  The first shot must have hit something vital because our little cat showed extreme pain before going limp.  I suspect she was dead before the second injection was even started.  The process wasn't gentle.

And I felt as if I had let a creature who had trusted me down.

So, that's the story - now for the point of telling it:

In this world, you can do everything as best as you are able with the knowledge that you have at your disposal.  You can seek out qualified opinions and give yourself time to make the best decisions.  You can do everything as right as you possibly can.

And you can still have a result that is not a good one - even when you can't possibly see how you could have done much better.

This is why it is so important to give each other - and ourselves - grace.

We need to exercise the gift of giving grace because it is actually a rare thing to be able to successfully navigate difficult processes and decisions perfectly in the first place.  We're going to fail to observe something, or we're going to misinterpret something else, or maybe we'll just not have the energy to apply ourselves in a way we would really like to.  If things can go wrong even when you think you've done the best that can be done, what can we expect when we add in our own shortcomings?

I like to think that most of us in this world genuinely want to do the "right thing" as well as each of us is able.  Unfortunately, I also know that we're going to fail at doing the "right thing" frequently.  This should not be an excuse that we use to ignore problems or opportunities to improve.  But it should be a reminder to all of us that each of us is imperfect, and grace is necessary because it recognizes our value despite that imperfection.

If you're still with me - today's gentle reminder is to offer grace to someone who needs it.  Maybe it's you.  Perhaps it's someone else.  And be prepared to practice offering grace frequently.

Because it's actually one of the best qualities humans can have.  The ability to offer forgiveness, love, and support despite mistakes, imperfections - and results that don't go the way we had hoped and planned.