Over-hyped, Over-used, and Over It

If I told you that you did something well, how would you feel?

What if I told you that you had actually done exceptionally well?

Or maybe, what if I said your work just "blew me away!?"  Would you believe me?  Would it make you feel good?  I certainly hope so, because if I have uttered these words and directed them to you, then I certainly believed them and I would hope you do too.

But what happens when we resort to ultimate praise for practically anything?  Do those positive words mean what they think they mean?  Do they have the same impact?

It feels like many people have decided the extremes have become the norm now.  A person does something for the first time ever and people say the results were "just amazing," "couldn't have done any better," or "literally fantastic!"

It doesn't leave much room for anything more does it?  Where's the encouragement for growth and future achievement?  Is it even possible for the person receiving these comments to prepare for the possibility of constructive criticism?  Or will the likelihood that the outsized dreams they have begun to cook up after high praise are going to die on the vine when someone finally gives some honest (and maybe negative) feedback along the way?

This is why I cringe when someone tells me that something I have done is "perfect."  Either I am really, REALLY bad at being me or the perfection I have been striving for my entire life isn't as hard as I think it is to achieve.  

Hey, I know how far away from perfect I am.  And if you're going to praise my effort and have it mean anything, please make it real.

People also have a tendency to give negative criticism far more weight than it deserves.  Our criticisms must always be scathing and relentless.  And, they must make it sound as if this is the FINAL WORD.

"That was the worst such and such I have ever seen."

"This just destroys the position that these other people hold.

etcetera etcetera... blah blah blah.

Our desire to create the ultimate put-down or take-down leaves us, and everyone else, with no opportunities for discussion.  No chance to reach a better understanding.  No real incentive to learn more and improve ourselves.  We're making it clear that there is no redeeming qualities and it's time to move on - and find something or someone we like and agree with so we can be in awe of that "perfection" instead.

Once again, I cringe when this happens.  After all, while I am far from perfect, I have honed a few skills and acquired some knowledge about a number of things.  I believe I have shown some ability to learn and adapt.  I like to think that I have some empathy and a wee bit of integrity too.

But, when you tell me that something I have said, something I have done or something I identify with is abhorrent and no worthwhile creature in the universe possibly believes that or does things that way, I am left either feeling like I must oppose you, or I must cease being who I am.

And I'm not sure either of those options is a good idea.

If you're wondering what I think, you've come to the right place.  After all, it is my blog and I guess it makes sense that there will be a few of my thoughts here.  

I believe that truly heartfelt praise comes with carefully considered words.  Don't just reach onto the shelf and grab the closest superlative.  Give something real.  Give something concrete.  Give something that appreciates effort while also helping the person target an area for future growth and improvement.  Give in a way that doesn't try to make that person into your clone.  Instead, give so what you say and do encourages them to be their best self.

Similarly, honest and beneficial criticism and dissent also come with carefully considered words and actions.  We aren't playing a game to see who gets the most points for cutting remarks, most dramatic actions, or the most empty applause for efforts at stealing the show.

Or are we?

If we are, I am not playing.  Fair warning.