Fingernails on the Chalkboard

edit: This post was started in August of this year (2012).  We typed a number of things at that time that we did not post until we felt that we had removed anything that was not consistent with something we wanted others to see.  It turns out this one would have been fine as it was.  It has been edited to be more current.  And, yes, I've been fighting this feeling recently, so it seemed appropriate.

======================
Every once in a while, I have trouble with my attitude and it stems from a general feeling of unease and discomfort.  Yes, it happens at some level every season.  But, I have to admit that I've been fighting it more this year than other years.  And, if you've been reading our blog or know the events of the season, you can probably deduce why.

It's the feeling that nothing is quite right and it is so uncomfortable that it reminds me of a combination of the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard while feeling like you hit your funny bone on the corner of the kitchen table as you were looking at plaid, lime-green, golf pants flying on the flag pole outside your office window.  And, as you are experiencing all of this, you feel guilty about not liking it because there certainly are much worse situations that are far less temporary.

Before you go anywhere - this is not a rant.  I'm just saying that I've been working hard to keep my attitude positive, but it hasn't always worked.  So, here is one thing that I make myself do when I'm feeling this way.

I make a list.

• Mom and Dad Zenk made a special trip from northern Minnesota because they heard we could use some help.  And they did a number of wonderful things to help us.  And, then they spent some time on the farm again just this last week.  We are grateful for the help and the chance to see them.
• Dad Faux made a special trip to the farm soon after the spraying event to help with a number of projects, but particularly to move us forward on the project of getting the laying hens into a new room.  We are thankful to have this help.  And, the birds are happy in the new room.
• Mark Quee at Scattergood Friends School was kind enough to realize that some of the eggplant and peppers at his farm needed picking, but the school did not yet have students to feed them to.  He offered to give this to us so we could pass it on to our CSA members.  And Dana Foster helped Tammy pick the last batch.  We wonder how we deserve friends such as these.
• Melissa and Andy Dunham of Grinnell Heritage Farm and Glen & Beth Elsbernd of G It's Fresh offered to help us with crops we lost to the spraying event as well. As a result, our Farm Share CSA members did not go without sweet peppers and hot peppers.  It may have hurt a little to have to go get peppers from somewhere else when we had so many good looking fruit on our plants.  But, you do what you have to do - and when you have these good people making these kind offers, it humbles you to think that they think of you enough to reach out.
• Rachel Braunigan, Walter Beck and Anden Drolet each took trips to help acquire peppers and/or eggplant from these various locations.  I'm not sure they know how much this helped us.  
• We received a check from a long-time CSA member to use in order to help with the farm.  The money went to hiring a college student who needed a little more income before going back to college.  He helped us get some pasture areas cleaned out - a necessary project.  We are grateful for this support and pleased that we could help someone else out at the same time.
• The number of people who expressed outrage or sadness on our behalf was both difficult to deal with and desperately needed.  We still don't always know how to talk about it, nor do we always know what to say.  We probably never will.  For now, we'll try this.  Thank you.
• We had a work crew of people who really do care about the farm.  Thank you to all of you for your hard work.  

Healing happens faster when you remember things that matter.