Affirmation by Discussion

The area outside the backdoor of the farmhouse at the Genuine Faux Farm looks a bit different than it has for many years.  We're very pleased to have a new sidewalk that extends from the relatively new back steps.  All of this leads to a drive area that has gotten the first couple of fresh loads of gravel in a decade.

As I looked at this picture from earlier in May, I reflected on the process Tammy and I went through as we made the decisions to make each of these things happen.  I think, in each of these cases, we both knew pretty much what really needed to be done form the outset.  However, we still went through a period where we explored options and considered various alternatives (including just letting it all stay as is).  But in the end, I believe we ended up with what we were initially considering in the first place.

Yet we still went through a process I dubbed "affirmation by discussion."

Why bother talking it out if you already know?

This is a perfectly valid question and worth an answer.  So, I'll give you sort of an... oblique answer.

We've been doing the work and making a myriad of decisions on a yearly, monthly, weekly and daily basis since 2004 with respect to our farm.  As a matter of fact, there have been periods of time where we were making decisions from moment to moment that had the potential for far-reaching impact when it came to the viability of our farm business.   As a result, I think we've learned three things:

1. You will never know enough to be able to select the perfect solution - if it even exists.
2. You will never know enough to make the best possible solution if you don't explore.
3. Once the decision is made, you need to agree that it is the best possible solution for that moment in time with the situation as it stands.

And that is why we often engage in affirmation by discussion around here.  That and, well, it's a thing I think I have often done without realizing it for most of my life - sometimes resulting in some confusion with those I interact with.

The good news is that Tammy and I have figured this out (for the most part).  The bad news?  Well, not everyone else has figured out that I often operate that way.

For example, I have now worked for two years with Pesticide Action Network.  I am honored that the people there trust me to be competent and to do my job well.  But sometimes I get surprised when I offer up an idea or a possible solution - and it is immediately accepted with little or no discussion.

Um... Now what happens if I was just offering up a "straw man idea" so we could talk it through?  Ok, that's not such a bad thing because I can adjust so that I don't offer up those sorts of things without making it clear that's what it is.  But there are times when it would be nice if, after I offer up an idea that I do believe is a good one, we still engaged in the process of affirmation by discussion.

I suppose part of the reasoning is that even a little bit of discussion illustrates that the other members in the group actually listened and understood the suggestion.  "Oh yeah, that sounds good," can be code for "Sure, Rob, do whatever, as long as we don't have to do anything with it." 

But, here's the thing that makes me want to engage in affirmation by discussion.  I've learned a 4th thing:

4. We need to be willing to reverse a decision if new information shows that our best possible solution is no longer a fit and must be changed.

This may be my biggest reason that I like to engage in the affirmation by discussion process.  I may THINK I've got a good solution right now. But, I'd like to avoid #4 if I can.  It turns out that I have a good idea that I do NOT know everything - so seeking out other opinions and thoughts area key component of good decision making.

So, yeah.  I appreciate having the respect that others give when they tell me that they trust me to do a good job and come up with some decent solutions.  It just turns out that I might have to talk it out with them anyway - because that's part of what built that trust in the first place.