The Sandman - Lost Archives

You will adore me.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

 

The Sandman, when he was with us at the Genuine Faux Farm, might have been the most photogenic of our cats.  I guess it is possible that Mrranda had him beat, but she really didn't want the limelight.  Sandman, on the other hand?  He always had something to say. Was always pleased to strike a pose.  Expected to get a lift when a passing farmer was walking by and let the farmers know if a skritching was on the agenda. 

While we have been deprived of the Sandman's presence for several years now, we still hear his words and find them to be interesting and, sometimes, oddly relevant.  Here is an interview we had with the Sandman several years ago.

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GFF: Mr. Sandman, would you like to start with an opening statement?  If so, please feel free to make it now.

Sandman:  To all of the people out there who are hypnotized by my gaze (and that would be all of you), I call on you to heed me as I speak.  Then, you will take a nap.   I, the Sandman, have spoken.

He wouldn't "trayed" this for anything.

 

GFF: Well, that's one way to get everyone's attention.  Pressing on, would you tell us about how you came to the Genuine Faux Farm?

 

Sandman: You were lost without me.  You needed me.  Therefore, I am here.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

The director's cage.

 

GFF: I found this kitten picture of you and notice that you appear to be enclosed in some sort of chicken wire contraption.  What is that all about?

Sandman: Most of your readers may not understand this.  And I am certain you will not.  But, I was employing a mind-control technique to make you and the nicer farmer* more pliable.

GFF: Wait? I thought it was to keep you from getting under the tractor tires.  Besides, I don't think your technique worked.

Sandman:  You do feed me every morning?

GFF: Yes

Sandman:   You skritch me when I ask you?

GFF: Well... um... yes.

Sandman:  You let me ride on your back when you are crawling around in the fields?

GFF:  Ummmm.  Ok, I get your point.

Sandman:  Plus, I was darned cute.  You needed at least a little protection from that.  I am a genius.  I, the Sandman, have spoken (yet again)! 

 

* the Sandman had a way of putting a person in their place.  The "nicer farmer" was a reference to Tammy.  We suspect he might have flipped this if Tammy were doing the interview.

I have always been and always will be - cooler than you.

 

GFF: There are many people who look up to you.  Do you have any advice that you can give them based on your extensive experience as a farm spokescat and all-around fabulous feline?

Sandman:  You should take a nap. Perhaps you should also try purring for a minute or two. Just avoid snoring, it tends to pull your whiskers into your mouth, which is uncomfortable. I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Sometimes, it isn't hard to look up to the Sandman.

 

GFF: One last question.  Why do you end your answers with "I, the Sandman, have spoken?"

Sandman: Is it not true?

GFF: Well, yes, I guess it is true.

Sandman: Is it an exaggeration?

GFF: No, I guess not.  And, how did you get such a big vocabulary?

Sandman: You will not gain anything with this line of questioning.  In fact, you will end the interview now and you will find something else to do.  I will take a nap.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.