The Sandman Has Spoken

One of our Winter features will be introductions to some of the interesting critters that live on the Genuine Faux Farm.  We thought we would start by interviewing our farm spokescat, the Sandman.

You will adore me.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

GFF: Mr. Sandman, would you like to start with a promotional statement?  If so, please feel free to make it now.

Sandman:  Buy a pie pumpkin and some garlic from Genuine Faux Farm. I hear they have some available.  And a duck! While you're at it, order some chickens. And for goodness sakes, you should sign up for the 2016 Farm Share CSA program.  All of this puts food in my bowl. 
Then, you will take a nap.   I, the Sandman, have spoken.

He wouldn't "trayed" this for anything.

GFF: For some odd reason, I feel a bit sleepy.  But, pressing on, would you tell us about how you came to the Genuine Faux Farm?

Sandman: You were lost without me.  You needed me.  Therefore, I am here.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

The director's cage.

GFF: I found this kitten picture of you and notice that you appear to be enclosed in some sort of chicken wire contraption.  What is that all about?
Sandman: Most of your readers may not understand this.  And, I am certain you will not.  But, I was employing a mind-control technique to make you more pliable.
GFF: Wait? I thought it was to keep you from getting under the tractor tires.  Besides, I don't think your technique worked.
Sandman:  You do feed me every morning?
GFF: Yes
Sandman:   You skritch me when I ask you?
GFF: Well... um... yes.
Sandman:  You let me ride on your back when you are crawling around in the fields?
GFF:  Ummmm.  Ok, I get your point.
Sandman:  Plus, I was darned cute.  You needed at least a little protection from that.  I am a genius.  I, the Sandman, have spoken (yet again)!

I am STILL cooler than you.

GFF: There are many people who look up to you.  Do you have any advice that you can give them based on your extensive experience as a farm spokescat and all around fabulous feline?

Sandman:  You should take a nap. Perhaps you should also try purring for a minute or two. Just avoid snoring, it tends to pull your whiskers into your mouth, which is uncomfortable. I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Sometimes, it isn't hard to look up to the Sandman.

GFF: One last question.  Why do you end your answers with "I, the Sandman, have spoken?"
Sandman: Is it not true?
GFF: Well, yes, I guess it is true.
Sandman: Is it an exaggeration?
GFF: No, I guess not.  And, how did you get such a big vocabulary?
Sandman: You will not gain anything with this line of questioning.  In fact, you will end the interview now and you will find something else to do.  I will take a nap.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.