Swirling Confusion

 

Last week, I followed a pattern I have followed for most days over the past three to four years.  Early in the day, I turned on the computer, made sure the daily blog had published as I had scheduled it, then I proceeded to share that blog on a few social media platforms.

Usually, the process is pretty quick and I don't allow myself more than a cursory examination of what is on those social media feeds during the process.  To be perfectly honest, these posts used to actually result in some readership for the blogs I wrote, but now I don't think they do.  The social media software companies have changed their algorithms over time to try to prevent people like you and me from seeing posts that encourage you to leave the social media platform - unless it's a paid advertisement.  You'll find those all over the place, of course.

Still, I go through this process most every day anyway.  And last week, I went through the process as I usually did and everything seemed fine.

Until I received a notice later in the day that led me to this:

First, let me be clear about something.  I do think social media platforms should have some moderation. The issue here is about the effectiveness of that moderation.

There are so many social media posts that it would be ridiculous, given the chaos that is the social media universe, to expect a horde of human mediators to be checking in on every post.  That might work if social media were truly segmented off into interest groups (as some of it is) that had mediators and a bit of a social contract to go along with it that most participants would naturally adhere to.  But, we don't have that.  It's a mass of swirling confusion (just as the image of Bree on a swirly blanket seems to convey).

Facebook, for example, has been relying on algorithms modified by artificial intelligence (more algorithms) for some time.  Apparently, I found some combination of key words that set them off and this post was removed.  And clearly, the post and the link to the blog, did not break any community rules.

Of course, I protested the removal of the post and the implied and direct threats of further removal/censure that came with it.  But, let me tell you, that process was unclear, generic - and generally unsatisfying.  And, as of this moment, the post has not been returned to the feeds I placed them in.  As far as I know, I'm still on some mysterious "black-list" kept by the Facebook software that encourages the algorithms to watch me more closely.

Irritating?  Yes.  Frustrating?  Yes.  Critical?  

No.

One of my pet peeves is being accused of something I did not do.  So, it is actually pretty difficult for me to let go.  If I'm going to be punished, then make sure it is for something I did.  It especially gets me going when I scroll through my own feed and find that at least a quarter of the posts probably deserved to be removed.

But, I got over it by reminding myself of how low the bar can be for what we think is acceptable work and accurate information.  Well, no... that actually made me more upset.  This does not appear to be working!

Here's a sample of what I mean.  There is an online board game playing site that I have used periodically over the past couple of years.  I took note that they include an area in player profiles that show the number of games and relative success the player has had with those games.  I had noticed something odd with the numbers and I decided to grab some of the most outrageous examples to make the point.

I don't know whose profile this is or when I looked at it.  But, I'd say we have some sort of problem either with math, or, well, something.

14 victories in 44 games and this person is said to have "won" over half of their games (half would be 22 folks, in case you didn't want to do the math yourself).  But, they actually had more wins than they played when it came to Cacao.  Um... good for them?

And then there's this.  

Social media tries to be "social" by encouraging interaction, of a sort.  In most platforms you can show the poster (and everyone else) that you "like" something with hearts or stars or thumbs up or whatever. 

I vacillate between thinking these are useless and mean nothing to feeling they might mean more than they should.  I do know that I wish we just had thumbs up or "no reaction" instead of all of the choices given to us on some platforms now.

The image I show above was attached to a post that focused on a young person's illness and the journey they were taking.  I did not see anything that might indicate there was any scam surrounding it and it was for a person only "once removed" from my acquaintance.  In other words, a few people I know were direct acquaintances with the child and their family.

I understand the message a thumbs-up or a heart might give.  It's a simple (and often empty) attempt to show support.  I'm okay with that because a little bit of positive energy is always needed during trying times.  As long as we don't fool ourselves into thinking it does much more than provide a small burst of "aw, look!  People actually sent positive thoughts my way!" - then we're fine.

But, what's with the small batch of laughing faces?

I've seen it before.  Some author shares a post that shows concern for an issue they feel strongly about and those who select the laughing face clearly disagree.  It's meant to be a mockery rather than a friendly belly-laugh because something was truly funny or mirth-inducing. 

Or maybe they just clicked on the wrong icon.  After all, there are so many social media posts you need to respond to in a day!

And now, I will set this blog to publish on Monday morning.  I'll get up and put out my obligatory social media posts letting everyone know the blog exists.  And I'll sit back and wonder if anyone other than the algorithms will take notice.

Zealot or Zealous?

 

If a person were motivated enough to dig up my views and how they have changed (and not changed) over the years they might find that I am no different than anyone else.  There will be themes and topics where my thoughts and opinions have morphed and adjusted as my experiences taught me.  But there will also be numerous guiding principles that have been relatively consistent.  They too, have changed, as I learn and grow.  Yet they have been refined because I have always sought to be better and do better - as much as I possibly can.

You could say that I have exercised a great deal of zeal in my effort to learn throughout my life.  But, would you say that I am a zealot?  And, if you did, would that be a good thing?

Historically, a Zealot was a member of a Jewish sect in the first century AD that put themselves against Rome and polytheism (the Romans recognized a pantheon of gods).  They were aggressive in their opposition and uncompromising in their opinions and beliefs.  The term "zealot" now refers to any person who is fanatical and uncompromising as they pursue their beliefs and ideals.  

That leaves me with a question.  I have been told that I was zealous in my pursuit of learning and that I show zeal when I promote intercropping or pollinator planting.  I take that as a compliment.  But, is it a compliment if someone tells you that you are a zealot?  

The first-century Zealots were so committed to their points of view that they came to despise fellow Jews who sought peace and conciliation with the Romans.  Some even resorted to terrorism and assassination, killing those they felt were friendly to Rome (it didn't matter if the "target" was a Jew).  One issue here is that some Zealots became so set in their views that they no longer considered persons who did not wholly agree with them to be worthwhile humans.

I wonder sometimes how those people found themselves going down that path.  And then I realize that people in every age of the world have taken that same journey.  It's a journey that starts with an ideal that seems right and appears to have real value.  Over time, that ideal gets jeopardized by alternative viewpoints that may or may not fully agree with a person's perception of that ideal.  Some people take the time to learn and re-assess what they know - hopefully coming out on the other side with a more complex and complete understanding of the world around them.

Others militantly reject anything that doesn't appear to line-up without further consideration.  Eventually, they begin to devalue anything who doesn't agree.  And once you don't think another idea has any value, it doesn't take much more to decide the person who has that idea also has no value.

That's when we have a problem - in my opinion.

In the end, I decided that I was ok with someone telling me I was zealous in my pursuit of learning.  Or that I have shown zeal over time in my efforts to encourage people to support a wide range of pollinators.  But, the word "zealot" bears with it the possible implication that a person is, in my opinion, no longer an effective advocate for the things that person has zeal for.

For example, I presented at an event where I was talking about pesticide drift.  It can be a difficult, and often polarizing, topic.  And, one person could not contain themselves, aggressively and uncompromisingly expressing an opinion that clearly set boundaries of good and evil, acceptable and unacceptable, decent human-being and something unworthy of mention.

Eventually, they were asked to allow the panel - who had worked hard to prepare for this event - the opportunity to share their information with the audience, some of whom were getting a bit impatient with this person.  Even if some of them - and some of me - agreed with some of this person's sentiment.

So what was the problem?  If we had some point of agreement, why was it that many of us grew tired of what they were saying?

Well, I don't know about the other people in the room, but my problem was that they were actually eroding the credibility of what actually could be a pretty good argument.  The result of being this kind of zealot is that you push others who might actually agree with you AWAY and you harm the ultimate cause.

I know this is not how that person saw it.  In fact, I am certain they now feel that my opinion no longer has value because I did not stand beside them and denounce that which is evil with the same zeal (and agenda and language) that they had.  They let me know that I had sullied myself by my very presence with people who were clearly "them."

There was more to it than that as well.  But this is not the time to cover it.  Instead, I'll leave you with this.  It is one thing to be zealous, to have energy for sharing the good agendas in your life.  It is quite another to force that agenda on others.  The life of a zealot is not for me.

Not That Simple

We are drawn to the simple answers for a very specific reason, I suspect.  

Because - once we accept a simple answer, we can stop thinking.  And, thinking is a dangerous pastime!

Unfortunately, accepting a simple answer and putting a halt on your thinking is, in my opinion, even worse.

I was actually beginning to think that I could stop this blog post right there.  Point made.  Nice and simple.  Don't accept the simple answer or the simple opinion at face value and work a lot harder at critical thinking and putting what you hear under the microscope.  It doesn't matter the topic.  It doesn't matter if it already matches something you happen to agree with or believe.  It doesn't matter if you're inclined to disagree.  In fact, it doesn't even matter if you think you have covered some of this territory before.

Think.  Question.  Ask.  Accept that very little in this world is easy and most everything is complex.

And it can be stinkin' hard to do.

So, do it anyway.

I Hate Beets

I am going to bet you all thought I was going to go off on some highly philosophical or current event tangent after all of that.  You weren't?  Oh.  Now I am not sure you're telling the truth, but that doesn't really matter.  What matters (to me) is the point that I am trying to make.

We like to take simple either/or decisions and make them a part of our identity.  Oh... oops.  That is kind of philosophical.

So, about those beets...

Beets are one of those vegetables that we have identified as being one of the most polarizing among the persons who have patronized our farm over the years.  Some people just LOVE their beets and others look at us like we are offering to poison them as a reward for them giving us money.  Kale and eggplant rank right up there with beets - but we're not talking about them now, are we?

I was once a hater of beets.  Beets!?  NO thank you!!  I did not even want to look at them.

Then, I started farming - and some people wanted beets with their CSA farm shares.

Well, I guess I can grow them.

And, harvest them....

And, clean them....

And, maybe it would be cool to try some different varieties...

And then people asked how they tasted.  Uh oh.

The point is this.  There are many, many different varieties of beets.  There are golden beets, striped beets, red beets, white beets, beets for beet greens, cylindrical beets, round beets, etc etc.  Beets have a range of tastes and textures.  Yes - they are all still beets - so they do have similarities.  But, there really is quite a diverse range for different palates.

And, you can prepare beets so many ways.  You can boil them, grill them, roast them and pickle them.  You can mix them with other ingredients or you can just put a little butter on them.  You can cook them so they are really soft or make it so they have a little crunch.  Once again - still beets.  Once again - a surprisingly wide range of tastes and textures for different palates.

I Like Beets Most of the Time

It turns out, I like beets most of the time.  I prefer the golden beets over the other types.  I like them roasted or steamed and a little real butter melting on top.  But, I've found that I'm just fine if red beets are prepared in these fashions.  In fact, I'll tolerate cooked beets in most forms now.  But, there are still times I do not like them.

This did not happen overnight.  First, I had to be willing to learn more about beets.  Then, it took a while to explore the world of beets and learn about it in my own time.

After that, it took me awhile to get over my own, self-applied label that I am a person who 'doesn't like beets.'  I had to admit that I might be wrong and that this label doesn't apply to me.  I even had to face up to the fact that some folks who know that I am a self-described 'beet hater' were surely either going to be disappointed in me or were going to take an inordinate amount of glee in my 'conversion.'  

In the end, I discovered that the responses of others who felt I had to either love beets or hate them did not matter - because they haven't taken the time to know beets like I have.

Over-hyped, Over-used, and Over It

If I told you that you did something well, how would you feel?

What if I told you that you had actually done exceptionally well?

Or maybe, what if I said your work just "blew me away!?"  Would you believe me?  Would it make you feel good?  I certainly hope so, because if I have uttered these words and directed them to you, then I certainly believed them and I would hope you do too.

But what happens when we resort to ultimate praise for practically anything?  Do those positive words mean what they think they mean?  Do they have the same impact?

It feels like many people have decided the extremes have become the norm now.  A person does something for the first time ever and people say the results were "just amazing," "couldn't have done any better," or "literally fantastic!"

It doesn't leave much room for anything more does it?  Where's the encouragement for growth and future achievement?  Is it even possible for the person receiving these comments to prepare for the possibility of constructive criticism?  Or will the likelihood that the outsized dreams they have begun to cook up after high praise are going to die on the vine when someone finally gives some honest (and maybe negative) feedback along the way?

This is why I cringe when someone tells me that something I have done is "perfect."  Either I am really, REALLY bad at being me or the perfection I have been striving for my entire life isn't as hard as I think it is to achieve.  

Hey, I know how far away from perfect I am.  And if you're going to praise my effort and have it mean anything, please make it real.

People also have a tendency to give negative criticism far more weight than it deserves.  Our criticisms must always be scathing and relentless.  And, they must make it sound as if this is the FINAL WORD.

"That was the worst such and such I have ever seen."

"This just destroys the position that these other people hold.

etcetera etcetera... blah blah blah.

Our desire to create the ultimate put-down or take-down leaves us, and everyone else, with no opportunities for discussion.  No chance to reach a better understanding.  No real incentive to learn more and improve ourselves.  We're making it clear that there is no redeeming qualities and it's time to move on - and find something or someone we like and agree with so we can be in awe of that "perfection" instead.

Once again, I cringe when this happens.  After all, while I am far from perfect, I have honed a few skills and acquired some knowledge about a number of things.  I believe I have shown some ability to learn and adapt.  I like to think that I have some empathy and a wee bit of integrity too.

But, when you tell me that something I have said, something I have done or something I identify with is abhorrent and no worthwhile creature in the universe possibly believes that or does things that way, I am left either feeling like I must oppose you, or I must cease being who I am.

And I'm not sure either of those options is a good idea.

If you're wondering what I think, you've come to the right place.  After all, it is my blog and I guess it makes sense that there will be a few of my thoughts here.  

I believe that truly heartfelt praise comes with carefully considered words.  Don't just reach onto the shelf and grab the closest superlative.  Give something real.  Give something concrete.  Give something that appreciates effort while also helping the person target an area for future growth and improvement.  Give in a way that doesn't try to make that person into your clone.  Instead, give so what you say and do encourages them to be their best self.

Similarly, honest and beneficial criticism and dissent also come with carefully considered words and actions.  We aren't playing a game to see who gets the most points for cutting remarks, most dramatic actions, or the most empty applause for efforts at stealing the show.

Or are we?

If we are, I am not playing.  Fair warning.

Balanced Scales

Exactly three years ago, I wrote this post.  Three years ago, we were all navigating something that was new to most of us in the United States - a pandemic. I thought it might be instructive to revisit what I was thinking and how we were all feeling at that time.  It's so easy to leave it all in the past and forget the lessons we should have and need to learn and relearn.

--------------

How do we balance the scales in our lives?

I've struggled with this question on and off, but I know recent events have encouraged me to bring it out so I can turn it around so it catches the light in different ways.  I am aware that these feelings and questions are not unique to me, nor am I any more special than any other person.  It just so happens I am willing to share some things I am thinking via a blog on a regular basis.  Others could certainly do the same if they wished.  If some of the things I share here help someone else, entertain another person and perhaps encourage yet another to learn something new - wonderful.  If they don't?  Well, at least I got to have that chance to view my thoughts and examine them for a while. 

Good enough.

How do we recognize problems that exist without allowing them to overwhelm us?  If we take a moment away are we guilty of ignoring something that we should be acting upon?

A couple of people I know shared this very interesting and moving 'short film' by Canadian Liv McNeil.  If you have the internet to do so, take a moment to view it.

Even an introvert, such as myself, recognizes that we are social creatures.  The physical distancing we should be following to reduce the spread of COVID-19 has, in fact, led to a certain level of social distancing as well.  The strain is showing and many are becoming overwhelmed.

Sometimes the reaction seems to be that we should rebel or completely turn off the switch when it comes to concern for the pandemic.  It isn't hard to understand where this is coming from.  But, ignoring the threat and pretending a problem doesn't exist won't make it go away and it will only hurt more people.

You're tired.  I'm tired.  We're feeling overwhelmed.  What can we do to help each other (and ourselves) without ignoring this virus?  I am seeking that balance in my own life and I hope you are as well.  For us, we will remain cautious and do the things in our power to not spread the virus.  We will wear masks and we will limit our physical contact with others.  But, we are also working to improve our social contact while still maintaining some physical distance.  We'll just keep learning - it's what we can do.

What will it take for you and I to be able to be aware and empathetic to someone else's fear and pain while still realizing our own joy, peace and happiness?

I have long admired Yo-Yo Ma as a musician and I have come to admire him even more over time as a good person with a kind heart and generous soul.  I have also recognized Rhiannon Giddens' talent in the past, but her genre of music is not one I often listen to, so I am less familiar with her.  These two talented people put together a powerful piece that I enjoyed and I thought I would share it here. 

It is very difficult to hear the lyrics of this tune and not hear the pain in them.  I am hopeful that I can find a way to acknowledge the pain, fear, anger and suffering of black people referenced here while still recognizing and feeling gratitude for the good things in my own life.  It is tempting to put on the "sackcloth and ashes" to show public remorse and there is also a fear that my own happiness would be a betrayal of their pain.

So again, I am looking for a balance in my life.  It is not right, and it has never been right, for people of color to be systematically mistreated and abused.  But, I actually think I might be capable of doing what I can to speak out for those who are struggling without disowning the good things in my own life.  This isn't supposed to be about making everyone miserable.  It's about getting rid of a weight that so many people carry around with them that is tied to the color of their skin.

Where is the balance between extending ourselves to achieve something great that could help others who need it and preserving enough of ourselves so that we can also live well?

Our farm has been a great training ground - if you can call it that - for working on the balance between pushing hard to achieve and keeping our own mental and physical well-being in mind while we work.

The answer - at least to us - is still unknown, because it seems to shift and morph with every new day.  If you have followed our blog for some time, you know we have been working hard to find the balance between dedication to excellence and preservation of our own physical and mental well-being.

But, let me say this.  I still believe we are ALL better than what we have shown thus far.  We let ourselves 'off the hook' too easily too often.  We even do a poor job of allowing ourselves to enjoy the things that are supposed to bring us that coveted balance.  And so, I do what I hope I will always do - I will keep trying to do better.

When will we acknowledge when things aren't right so we can try to find useful solutions that can move us forward to something better?

I recognize that I can get impatient when people spend lots time outlining a problem and trying to convince me that there is a problem.  Perhaps that is because I can often see that there is an issue that needs addressing and don't want to spend time on the 'convincing us there is a problem' stage.  I want to get to the 'fixing it' part.

But, then again, part of the fixing it just might be listening to those who are being affected by the issue.  And perhaps another part is actually taking the time to have a conversation.  Does that solve everything?  Of course not.  But it is part of the process.

This brings me to one more video.  Emmanuel Acho has been creating a series titled "Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man."  I appreciate the gift he is giving by attempting to have conversations with/for white people that address questions and issues that we might not otherwise consider.

The video above was his first installment.  The two that follow include face to face discussions with white people, making it more of a dialog.  I am certain Mr. Acho does not speak for every black man or woman, just as I do not speak for every white man or woman.  But, he is right about one thing for sure - if we take the time to have an honest conversation with someone we are uncomfortable with, we just might find that the discomfort is misplaced and that we can locate common ground for understanding.

As I viewed these conversations, I did not find that I was uncomfortable with the content of the discussion at all.  If anything, most of it made perfect sense and was generally in alignment with my own beliefs.  On the other hand, these videos, the Rhiannon/Yo-Yo musical composition and all of the protests have made me uncomfortable for a different reason.

The Man Standing on the Corner

I can think of dozens of times that I found myself on a street corner or parking lot or outside a shop just standing around waiting for a ride or for a friend to meet me.   I have waited in a car parked on the street and put my head back to close my eyes multiple times.  I have placed myself in mall food courts in strange cities so I can do work while my lovely bride attended a conference for her profession.  I've spent hours in hotel lobbies doing the same thing.  Students, staff and faculty of Wartburg College know that I sometimes will work in the coffee shop, library or other locations on campus.

I admit that I have gotten odd, questioning looks.  I do tend to be a bit scruffy looking and my red baseball cap isn't always in pristine condition.  I have a tendency to wear hoodies, but usually with the hood down.  My clothing is typically clean, but sometimes a bit worn.  I have been known to talk to myself as I think something out and I will occasionally stop typing or writing and stare at nothing - though some who do not know me might not realize I am not seeing whatever it is that I appear to be looking at.

I have only been approached by police or security five or six times.  And in all but one of those instances, I was not terribly worried about the outcome.  In the lone exception, I was still in high school, so we'll include that as a 'strike' against me.  In several of those instances, I was struck by the mildly confrontational tone the police or security person took as they initiated contact.

What would have happened if I was black skinned?  Or perhaps a Latino?  Would someone call the police because I was pacing back and forth for ten minutes in front of a Seven Eleven as I waited for a ride?  Would that mildly confrontational tone the police officer had remain mild or would it push the boundaries of civility?

Better yet - how about the times I have stood outside, on a cold evening, after the sun has gone down, by myself, pacing back and forth, mumbling, humming or whistling - while I wait for the last person to come pick up their turkey?  I have had the police stop by to chat a couple of times because they are curious about what I am doing at our various drop-offs.  If my skin were black, would it be more than a 'chat?'

Sadly, the answer is this.

If I were black, I would probably work hard to NOT be left waiting on various street corners for rides.  I would consider hiring a white worker to stand with me by the truck during produce distributions.  There would be fewer choices for pick up locations and times because I would not want to be stuck waiting for customers under many of those conditions.   I would think twice about going and sitting to do work in various public spaces for fear that someone will think that I look threatening and then do something about it.

I have gotten away with being free to do these things this way for most of my life.

And I want people of color to be able to do the same.

Which Side Are You On?

Some time ago, someone pushed me on an issue and wanted to know "exactly what side I was on." They wanted me to stand against some "others" in a way that made me uncomfortable because it felt like we were not differentiating between the problem and the people.

The moment you imply that I should demonize good people that I happen to know are not in agreement with you is the moment I find myself wondering if I need to put some distance between us.  It does not matter if my thoughts actually align with you with respect to whatever issue you have brought up.  After all, it turns out that some of the things I think and believe line up with people I happen to get along with as well as people I don't get along with all that well.  

Yes, you heard that right.  I don't particularly like some people with whom I agree with frequently.  And I like others with whom I disagree with frequently.  It sure is easier to get along with people you agree with more often than not, but it is not a prerequisite.  

That's part of why I resurrected the "Carrotman" creation (thanks again Sam!).  I am not particularly fond of carrots.  Ok.  I grow them and harvest them and even clean them.  But, I will not eat them (yes, I have tried).  I mean... I could have stood completely on principle and determined that I would not grow carrots on the farm ever...

But, I overcame my differences enough and there are, in fact, we will plant some in our fields this season.  They grow well in the southwest plot, so we'll give them a go again in 2023.

So, am I "pro-carrot" or "anti-carrot?"  Which side am I on?

Well, Tammy actually likes to snack on carrots and I like her a lot.  Does that make me a "pro-carrot" individual?  However, I honed a skill to remove all of the little orange carrot squares from my mixed vegetables so I could eat the rest of the veggies without a single carrot touching my lips.  So, I must be part of the "anti-carrot" crowd...

It may sound like I am not taking the actual subject seriously.  But, I actually am.  The idea of being for or against carrots is actually more complex than either/or.  I can be pleased to pull out a nice sized "Bugs Bunny" carrot out of the ground and not want to see it on my plate in any form.  On the other hand, I can take pleasure in the fact that Tammy (or numerous other people) will happily enjoy carrots I grow.

Do you actually think a more serious topic should be simplified down to just "for or against?"

You've got to be kidding me.  Really? 

I can't simplify liking and disliking carrots because there is actually more to it than that.  And you think bigger things are easily compartmentalized into two sides?

Let me be blunt.  This is how relationships come to an end.  This is how we tear down good things that have been built.  This is how wars are started.  

Stop pushing the narrative that your side is "good" while everyone else who is not on your side is "bad."  You aren't making change, you are creating conflict.  Conflict usually hurts those who can help themselves the least.  We are better than that.

Tainted

As part of my job with Pesticide Action Network, I have been periodically responsible for composing Iowa-based social media posts.  One of my goals during my first year on the job was to exhort my fellow Iowans to vote in the primary elections.  Please note that I was not telling anyone how they should vote - just that we wanted people to participate.

I do, however, think it went without saying that I was representing PAN and was hoping to reach people who want to change things with respect to corporate agriculture and the overuse of pesticides.

A clear statement that is hard to argue against

In my last post encouraging voting, I included an abbreviated version of this quote:

"...if we want to bring about real change, then the choice isn’t between protest and politics. We have to do both. We have to mobilize to raise awareness, and we have to organize and cast our ballots to make sure that we elect candidates who will act on reform. " *

Read it carefully - then tell me if it applies and if it rings true.  I'll wait here.

What do you think now?  As a representative for PAN in Iowa, I was hopeful I could motivate people to make some changes.  I do, in fact, protest the status quo when it comes to our current agriculture and food systems and the policies our government employs.  I am trying to raise awareness, educate and promote organization for change.  And I do believe part of the process is participating in the election process.  How about you?  Even if you think you're "not political,"  you'll probably agree that this is a logical and straightforward statement that can be widely applied.  We've got to say what we want, work to get others to hear it and perhaps agree on action and then we all have to vote to put people in place to make these things happen.

Guess what?  This statement is ALSO LIKELY true if you do not agree with the things I am promoting.

I was dutiful and put the attribution for the quote in the post.  And, soon after posting, it received some negative feedback that had nothing to do with the content of the quote.  It also had some positive feedback that also had little to do with the content of the post.  The response was driven largely by personal feelings regarding the author.  Or, perhaps it was 'bot response' that was triggered by the individual's name who supplied the quote.  I'll never know which it was for certain - but I do know it was intended to rile people up on the name and not the content of the quote.

How often do we close our eyes and stop our ears because of the source? 

*Who wrote/said this?  Barack Obama

This is NOT Barack Obama.  But, he was said to be truthful. And he had his detractors.

Who said these?
I went and selected some quotes from some recent former Presidents of the United States that I felt were pretty good messages when you look at them without attribution.  Even if you THINK you know who said each of these, I want you to read them and consider the message and what comes to mind for you as you read them.  I realize we are missing the larger context of the surrounding words.  But, we are a culture that seems to like to take short quotes and ascribe them great importance - so let's play along, shall we?

a) “There could be no definition of a successful life that does not include service to others."

b) "People are more impressed by the power of our example rather than the example of our power...” 

c) “Power can be very addictive. And it can be corrosive. And it’s important for the media to call to account people who abuse their power.”

d) "Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people."

e) “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

A call to service to others.  A call to set a good example.  A call to stand up to power when it is in the wrong.  And two calls for people to take personal action to make things better.

I selected these, in part, because they are all fairly consistent with other words spoken by each of these presidents.  They certainly do not summarize all of what they stood for or said - to expect that would be ridiculous.  I am also certain we can find plenty of specific examples of each presidency that is not consistent with what was said here.  All I am saying is that I believe each of these are a valid recognition of what these people were about or what they wanted to be - despite all of the inconsistencies each person exhibits. 

So - who said these?
a) George H.W. Bush
b) Bill Clinton
c) George W Bush
d) Joe Biden
e) Barack Obama

And now, I have tainted each of these quotes because I have associated them with a person for whom each of you likely have a strong opinion.  Did (or do you) "hate" Bill? George W? Joe?  Were you a loyal fan of George H.W. or Barack? Are you tempted to howl that the quote I selected is an aberration or that it doesn't mean what I think it means (ah.. Princess Bride, the quotes I can use from that movie!).  If you did, I just made my point.  You discarded a piece of potential wisdom you could have collected and made personal to your betterment so you could be upset.  Well done.

Now stop it.

Sometimes we need to hear things we don't want to hear.

When the source taints the message

First, let me point out that I have my own opinions about each of these people.  But, when push comes to shove, I firmly believe that each of them wanted the best for this nation.  Each of them applied themselves and their staff in an effort to do what they felt was right for the people.  We can disagree with how they went about prioritizing and executing that duty.  We can focus on their blind spots and shortcomings.  Each of them had faults and made mistakes (and as a president, there are rarely small mistakes).  And, each of them accepted that there would be (and should be) criticism.  Why?  Because, if there is no dissent, then we aren't thinking hard enough to find the best solution and we are clearly leaving someone out who needs to be heard.

Two points to make

The whole purpose of this blog post is to (hopefully) make two points.

1.  When we look at an idea, proposal or a statement, we should ponder its merits and what it means for us.  Then, we should consider the source.  Once you consider the source, you get more context as to what the purpose of the words might have been.  After all, with a little bit of editing, Attila the Hun could sound a bit like Ghandi.  Ok... maybe that's an exaggeration.  But, the context of the representative can make it clear as to the purpose of the statement.

The point is still this: dismissing something off-hand because of the source is a good way to miss something important or useful and a certain way to fail to see common ground we might have with those we often disagree with.

2.  When we consider who will represent the things we desire, we need to remember that most people are NOT going to exercise the first point.  Instead, they are going to filter the message based on their feelings for the representative.  Much of the time, I would agree that it would be better to educate people to spend more time trying to understand the points people we disagree with are trying to make - just so we can find that common ground - or so we can find an even better idea.

How I selected quotes

Let me give you full disclosure on what I did here.  I hunted for quotes from some of our most recent presidents by doing a Google search using their name and the word "quotes."  

To make the point, I did a search for James Garfield - just a randomly selected President of the United States and here is quote number 2 on the list I found.

“There are men and women who make the world better just by being the kind of people they are. They have the gift of kindness or courage or loyalty or integrity. It really matters very little whether they are behind the wheel of a truck or running a business or bringing up a family. They teach the truth by living it.”

Labeling myself

At this point I am going to give you full disclosure.  My own political falling (or failing if you see it that way) would be labeled as left of center because I tend to believe a key component of governance is to protect and serve the people - in particular those who have the least power and need it most - by providing services, support and proper regulation of the things we use in common.  This means that those who need protection and service the least are those who will find themselves providing a greater proportion of resources to help those who need it.  At present, this places me firmly on the "liberal" side of the ball - while recognizing that there is much to be said about other points of view.  And, I hope you will give me benefit of the doubt that I try to consider each issue without first consulting the "manual for whatever ideological label that seems to fit me."

I believe that most people want to see themselves as helpers and as a positive part of the country.  This is why I prefer to hear multiple points of view and ideas.  We all have value and we need to start acting as if others also have value.  This is why it is important to me that we have people of integrity representing our 'big ideas.'  In this way, we can actually work on the merits of what we propose - and find a better solution because of it (are you seeing a theme here?).

The big finish

So, here is what I took away from some of the quotes I selected:

I hope we can all live successful lives that include service to others. (G.H.W. Bush)
I pray that we learn to understand the power of setting an example (Clinton) and that it motives us to teach the truth by living it. (Garfield)
I want us to call to account those who wield power incorrectly and address inequality and failed justice for those whose circumstances of birth place them in positions where they are abused and oppressed. (G.H.Bush)
And...
Let us be the change that we seek. (Obama)

And let us seek change that comes from the better part of all of us - and do it together.   (Rob Faux)

Still Wagging the Dog

I have been thinking about the idiom "wagging the dog" again.  The traditional meaning of the phrase is that something less important is controlling something that is more important.  The idea is that the tail has been given enough power that it can make the dog's body lose control.

Bree, one of our Farm Office Supervisors at the farm, isn't terribly impressed that I am thinking about this because she believes that dogs are kind of 'air-headed' anyway.  What should it matter whether the body or the tail of a dog wags?

An analogy from a couple of years ago

We left the farm for a doctor visit or some such thing and came back just after sunset.  That meant that I had to go straight out and close up the chickens for the night.  As I walked to the Poultry Pavilion, I heard loud voices that sounded like they were out by our east fields.  After completing the chores, I walked that way to investigate.

What I found was that there were three snowmobiles and drivers out at the edge of our property.  Clearly, one of them was stuck and they were loudly trying to 'unstick' their vehicle.  As I walked down the road towards them, they must have succeeded.  They shouted something to each other about cigarettes and beer before driving rapidly across the road and our neighbor's field.

Um. Okay?

There is some background to this story.  There is a snowmobile trail that runs around our farm to the west. There is no trail to our east.  We have noticed a few times that there were some folks who seemed to want to go all over our neighbors' fields.  We don't know if they had permission to do so - we just noticed there were a few who were doing this.

Apparently, on this particular night, in the process of running on our neighbors field, one of the drivers thought our little farm would be a neat place to try zipping around.  They hung themselves up on some caged bushes we have in our buffer zone that were mostly buried under a snow drift.  The result was that the cages and bushes were crushed - and maybe they had some damage to their machine.  

This isn't the only time we've struggled with snowmobile drivers deciding to take detours on our farm.  It isn't the only time they've damaged something.

Letting the minority define the majority

And now we get to my parallel to wagging the dog.  

The temptation after these experiences is for the two of us to conclude that people who drive snowmobiles are ... well...  what should we think?  Let's just say that we're not impressed and leave it at that.  It's so easy to want to grumble at EVERY and ANY snowmobile that goes by our farm after events like this.

But, that's the problem.  We should not allow a few individuals define what we think of all who enjoy snowmobiling.  After all, the vast majority of those who go by our farm stay on or near the trail.  They tend to go by at reasonable hours and not at 1 AM in the morning (which has happened).  They appear to be enjoying themselves while still being responsible and respectful to those of us who happen to live next to the trail.  

But, these other individuals make us entertain the idea that everyone who gets on a snowmobile is irresponsible and disrespectful.  Should we assume that if we see you on a snowmobile that you are are going to start driving all over one of the bushes we worked hard to put in and care for?   Should we paint you with the same brush and curse at you as you drive by?  Should we demand that the trail be shut down or call the sheriff?

You tell me.  But, read the next part first.

The bigger picture

As the pandemic started, the number of hate crimes against Asian-Americans rose significantly.  Apparently, because some people made a claim that China "caused" the Covid crisis, anyone who looks like they might have any Asian characteristics is to blame, is looking to infect everyone else, and should be punished by being treated poorly.

Without even getting into the whole "what causes a pandemic" thing, let's consider this with the same lens I used for the snowmobile drivers. 

Is it fair if I blame every single person who likes to snowmobile for damage to those bushes and cages?

No.

Does everyone who drives a snowmobile intend to damage my farm or wake me at 1 in the morning?

No.

Why would anyone think it is right to assume anyone who "looks Asian" is suddenly to blame for a virus?   How could you possibly justify your bad behavior towards people because you can't differentiate between responsible parties and everyone or anyone else? That's a tail wagging a dog if there ever was one.

And then, how is it that we are then surprised when everyone who is "like us" is lumped into a group and pegged as violent, uncaring and ignorant? 

I happen to be a white male of European decent.  Therefore, I am aggressive, prone to violence, foul-mouthed, and inconsiderate.  I am domineering and unsympathetic.  I sneer at people of color and think they are inferior to me and I believe women are ok, except when they start acting like they might be as smart or smarter than I am.  If that happens, I will put them in their place by showing how much smarter, how much more logical, and just how much better I am.  Or maybe I'll just resort to bullying them until they give up.

And, of course, I am likely to commit a mass shooting in the United States.

If you know who I am, I sincerely hope you disagree with all of those statements (and sentiments).  And yet, there is a whole host of examples of people who are ALSO white males of European descent for whom those descriptions fit.  Since I am like them, I must be .... like them?!?

The takeaway

The next time someone who is not like ourselves enters our world, don't make the assumptions that they are like the worst versions of whatever group we think they belong to. 

That snowmobile driver over there is not necessarily inconsiderate and bent on the destruction of bushes and cages.

The Asian-American walking down the street or living in your neighborhood is not plotting to infect you with a virus, nor are they naturally inclined to do you harm.

And you and I, no matter what groups we identify with, will be lumped with the worst characteristics shown by other people who can also be identified as being in that group.  Until we all make an effort to consider individuals on their own merits.

Don't let the tail wag the dog. 

Remember to Check Your Buts

I've been reflecting a bit on the writing I have done since the beginning of the pandemic (three years ago approximately).  After almost 950 blogs since that time I think I've become much more aware of the writing patterns I indulge in - both the good and the bad.  I remember I told myself at about blog 200 during this binge that I would wean myself from using the word "but."

But, I think I have failed to do that....  Yeah.  I suspect you all see what I did there.

No, no.  It has nothing to do with how easy it is to add another "t" on the end so we can all giggle about a stupid anatomy joke.  No, it's not because it isn't a useful word.  After all, I tend to use "but" in my writing to illustrate how I often see more than one side to things.  (note, I use "after all" too much .... ugh!)

I am willing to admit that I use "but" far too often in my writing.  However (haha! take that - I avoided a "but"), I do believe that I have been mostly successful in removing a certain kind of "but" that worries me and sometimes offends me.  It's the sort of "but" that typically leads to no good.

It really bothers me when people use it in this fashion:

"I know X is wrong, but....."

We should all just stop at "X is wrong."  Or, if you want, you can explain why you think "X is wrong."  When you add "but" you are implying that YOU are able to justify an exception for yourself or someone with whom you feel you have an alliance.  You certainly can't claim you have no clue about "right and wrong" because you've already made a declaration that you seem to know which is which.  You're just willing to give yourself and the people you happen to know, like, or promote a free pass to do the wrong thing.

Once the "but" enters the sentence that should set off alarm bells in all of our heads that we need to carefully inspect our motivations and our sense of right and wrong.  Is it possible that a perfectly valid exception exists?  Sure.  However, you might want to reconsider your condemnation of others who ALSO seem to have found an exception to the rule.  It's pretty difficult to claim moral high ground when you're neck-deep in the quicksand yourself.

Then again - maybe that's all the better any of us can do?  That's a sobering and depressing thought.

The other place I am hearing lots of buts?  It's the same form, but with a slight twist:

"When X did this, it was wrong, but what about when Y did this?"

Again.  Stop at "When X did this, it was wrong."  If it was wrong, it was wrong.  You do no favors if you legitimize any bad behavior by trying to put the focus anywhere other than the bad behavior you feel you need to be calling out.

What are we?  Five year olds?  Geez, I know some five-year olds who know better than to do this... 

"Don't blame me Mom!  They did it FIRST!"

And therefore, it's not as bad?  Address your problem first because you should have more control over that.   Or perhaps you actually do believe you own the exception to the rule.   Are you really telling me that it's a bad thing unless you do it?

Why do I get so upset about this?

It's simple.  I know, like, and care for people who have vastly different ideas about what is important in the world.  And, I am witnessing more and more of them forgetting to check their 'buts.'  Maybe some of you read this blog?  Perhaps this will let you know that I care about you, but I am disappointed and unhappy that you are not checking your "buts." 

Do I expect too much of others?  I don't think so.  I actually hold you in more esteem than you know - which is why I say something.

Do I expect too much of myself?  Probably.  I've been trying to check my "buts" for years now and I am dismayed by my lack of perfect success.  I still fall down.  I struggle with this just like everyone else.  That is exactly the point - I am struggling because I want to be better.  Come struggle with me.

Hey - you folks who believe in personal responsibility - spend more time cleaning your own house and set a better example.  Hey - those of you who believe that we need to be more inclusive and sympathetic to all sorts of people - time to offer more grace to those you may not agree with and may not like.

And while you're at it.  Check your "buts" at the door.

Why Leadership Matters

I don't think it is any surprise to those who know me that I expect a great deal from people who put themselves into positions of leadership.  It does not matter whether I like or dislike a person who is in that position and it does not necessarily matter whether I tend to agree or disagree with them.  What matters to me is that they are in a position of leadership and I expect them to exhibit certain qualities.  

Here are a few examples that I hold up for myself from my own experiences in life. 

The Crushing Weight from Above Revealed

At one of my jobs as a Software Engineer, I had the privilege to work for a person who was an excellent supervisor.  She quickly earned my respect and I still hold her up as an example of a fine person exhibiting excellent leadership skills.  Immediately after I was hired, she provided me with a vision that she saw for my role in her team.  She allowed me a chance to respond with how I felt about that role and was willing to modify expectations as I learned on the job and as she observed how I worked on the job.

I always felt that it was safe to disagree with her and she encouraged feedback.  Even if the final decision did not go the way I was advocating, I was convinced the decision was based on her best judgement given the facts and the feedback she had received from the entire team and whatever other resources were necessary.

Every member of the team felt valued.  Each person felt like they belonged.  And we learned how much weight she was keeping off our backs when she moved on to a new job.  As I look back, my respect for this person increases when I consider how much pressure she must have been under and how well she dealt with it.

It did not take long for the team and the project to begin falling apart once leadership changed from a model that was consistent, informed and competent to one that was erratic and misdirected.  The atmosphere changed from one that was affirming to one that felt like we worked under constant threat. 

The difference for the members of the team was one person.

Same Pieces, Different Results

I mentioned Coach Rowray in this post called Words to Live By in April of 2017.  He was the Junior Varsity baseball coach during my junior year in high school.  I played on both JV and Varsity teams that season (sparingly on Varsity that year).  Typically, a junior who was on JV might get a bit discouraged and finally give up the sport, but varsity was loaded with seniors and I loved the game.

In the end, it was all to my benefit because I was able to experience another example of leadership that I still reflect on.

Dave Rowray was filling in for one season, so he could have done the minimum and then passed things on, largely intact, to the next person who took on the role.  But, he didn't do that.  He built a team that was disciplined and understood that a team often requires people to take on roles.  While he did not waste many words on long explanations, we rarely were asked to do things without knowledge of the 'why' that came with the task.  

There was one coach that applauded my determination to back up first base.   Guess who that was?

It was clear when he was pleased with your efforts and it was equally clear when he was not.  He made more noise applauding hustle and effort than he did when a player muscled a ball over the fence.  He put people in positions where their skill set would be most likely to succeed.  And, he found ways to encourage each of us to expand our skill sets.

Just prior to our last game of the year, Rowray commented that I had played 16 games without an error prior to game 17.  Then he said, "We can't have that."  Sure enough, I had a tough play in right field that would have been a spectacular play if I could have held onto the ball.  He noted that I had lost one step because I initially turned the wrong way on a ball that was driven over my head.  With no small amount of glee, he told the scorekeeper to "award" me with an error rather than give a hit to the batter.  The message?  You've done great and I see that - and I know you can do even better!  And I believed it.

That team went 14-3 and every player contributed.

With a different coach and most of the same player-pieces, this same group never reached this level of success again, playing .500 ball over the next couple of years.  There are so many variables that one can never tell for certain what all of the causes might have been.  But I can tell you that strong leadership from one person brought more out of each participant and better results for the whole.

Chaos in the classroom

As a person who has been in both student and teacher roles, I can point to numerous examples where classroom leadership was successful and several others that were not.   More often than not, a successful leader of a classroom shows respect for the subject, respect for the profession, and respect for the learners.  

Certainly competence plays a role - I consider that part of the 'respect for the subject.'  But, I have seen clearly competent individuals belittle or make light of the very subject they intend to teach.  Why in the world should students offer their best efforts if the instructor makes it sound like they don't think it is worthy of that effort?

Most of us have examples in our lives of teachers we thought well of and those we... well, thought less well of.  Without belittling how incredibly difficult teaching can be, I bet most of us can detect certain characteristics that made successful teachers competent and effective leaders in the classroom.

The effective teacher-leaders tended to signal to the students that they actually cared about you and your learning.  These people sent consistent messages about the desirability of acquiring knowledge and developing skills.  The best teachers found alternatives to keep as many people engaged and moving forward as was humanly possible  And, in all cases, they presented their topic as accurately as they could and showed professional competence as a model for students to emulate.

These teachers often recognized that there could often be more than one way to be successful.  And they would publicly admit when they, themselves, did not have an answer for a given question - yet they would still be able to outline a strategy to look for the answer that was needed.

Each of us learned to love and dislike numerous areas of study - often because of one person and the qualities of leadership (good or bad) they exhibited.

Leadership Matters

• Good leadership encourages individuals to be part of a team.
• Good leadership allows for disagreement and hears different points of view, giving them value even when the final decision can not agree with all participants.
• Good leadership recognizes the value of roles of all types and understands the different viewpoints each role might bring with it.
• Good leadership is concerned about encouraging the highest level of excellence each team member is capable of achieving.
• Good leadership supports members who are struggling when they need it, encourages those who need encouragement, challenges those who could use it and adjusts so the entire team succeeds with the support of each team member.
• Good leaders are role models - recognizing that they represent the whole.  And, when they do poorly, they recognize it reflects badly on more than just themselves.
• Good leaders exhibit integrity and competence.  Good leaders instill confidence.  Good leaders take communication seriously and good leaders accept responsibility.
• Good leaders acknowledge their own failures and work to adapt and change to address them as best as they are able. 
• Good leaders are willing to admit that they have limits, that they make mistakes and that they aren't always certain of the best course to follow.  But they also instill confidence that they are committed to finding ways to deal with their limitations and mistakes with the team's help.
  
• Good leaders stand up for all members when any of them feel threatened or weakened.
  
• Good leaders are always looking to improve themselves.
• And the best leaders recognize that they will lead when they serve.

Anti-

The snow came down for a while this past weekend like it wanted to make its own snowballs even before it hit the ground.  After doing the morning chores in the snow, I thought I'd go in and grab the camera.   After all, it really did feel a bit like a snow globe that had been given a vigorous shake.

After taking a few pictures that I thought might turn out pretty nice, I decided to give a try at taking pictures facing the sky... just to see what I could record as the snow fell towards me.

This past weekend pictures of another sort were being taken in Eastern Europe.  Many of them show mass graves.  Others show people with their hands tied behind their backs, dead on the side - or the middle - of the street in Bucha.  And before that is was Myanmar.  And before that, Syria.  And before that....  there are too many before thats in human history.

There is plenty of ugliness in the world to counter the beauty of a heavy snowfall at the farm.  And most of that ugliness is courtesy of humanity.  Apparently, the human race is good at ugly.

And part of it comes from our affinity for being "anti-" whatever someone else might happen to be.  It encourages us to be ugly to those who fit our "anti-" of choice.  Eventually, someone or some group of someones decide there is enough hate built up that people deserve to die and things should be destroyed.  In the process, good people who were not ready to be that ugly, or that "anti-" get a lesson about what it means to hate as they receive a dose of suffering.

Now they are ready to be ugly to those who hurt them.  And they are ready to extend that feeling to anyone associated with those who hurt them as well.

Let's make this a bit more real for all of us.  Bucha is a "town" that would qualify as a "bedroom community" for Kyiv.  Kyiv had a population of 2 to 3 million people.  Bucha had an estimated population around 30,000.  Waverly, Iowa has a population of about a third that size.  Just like Waverly, people live there, work there...  you get the point.

Pick the town you live in and imagine it in the middle of a war zone.  Can you do that?  It can be difficult, I know, because so little of our life in most towns all over the world centers around military pursuits.  The idea that where we are what we do is a place that is worthy of a military operation - where people die, buildings are destroyed and the landscape is altered - is not one we want to think about.

And neither did the people in Bucha. Or, My Lai (Viet Nam).  Or Srebrenica (Bosnia). Or the Sand Creek Massacre.  Or the Congo Free State.  Or, Aleppo (Syria).

Aleppo, Syria - Karem al-Masri - AFP/Getty Images

It only takes moments to tear down that which took decades to build - and I'm referencing people's lives as well as the things that we surround ourselves with.

Do I have an answer for you?  Do I have a solution for this wounded world?

I wish I did.  I just struggle to understand what made all of these instances seem ok to those who perpetrated it in the first place.

Twisters, Invasions and Compassion

 

There is nothing quite like having a personal connection with people who are experiencing loss and suffering to teach you what it means to be compassionate - unless you are one of the people who are experiencing lost and someone shows you that compassion.

The past weekend's storms in Iowa continue a distressing pattern of violent weather at strange times of the year.  A derecho in mid-December and now tornadic activity in early March that took seven lives and destroyed several homes and other buildings.

In addition to the news of injuries, deaths and lost homes, we are aware of at least one small farm that lost most of its infrastructure to this storm.  While it sounds like the house will be fine (thank goodness), high tunnels, equipment and numerous other items were damaged or destroyed.  

It does not take much imagination on our part to consider what this would be like for us at our own farm.  Yes, we've dealt with storm damage multiple times in the past - and it is always stressful and it is typically lots of extra work at times when we really don't need more to do.  But, we have not dealt with anything quite so difficult as the direct hit of a tornado.

We can imagine both high tunnels damaged beyond repair (because we have seen it other places).  We can picture in our minds-eye collapsed buildings and ruined farm equipment.  We can even imagine the moments that follow the event - when we stand outside and look - dazed by the destruction we are witnessing - yet not quite fully aware that this means we will have a very long way to go just to have a shot at any sort of growing season.

Connection breeds compassion.

Several years ago, I played the board game Ticket to Ride using an online game site.  I actually played competitively in tournaments against players from all over the world.  I became acquainted with people from France, Germany, Brazil, Canada and Japan.  I also learned to have more concern for my online friends from Catalonia (in Spain) when protests there led to great uncertainty.  I heard stories from my acquaintances in Italy as they reported the losses of loved ones during the early days of the pandemic.

And now, even though I am no longer active playing this game online, I have learned that a couple of my Ticket To Ride (TTR) playing friends have sent their families away from their homes while they remain - in Ukraine.  I made the mistake (if it was, in fact, a mistake) to be listening to the New York Times show, the Daily, as I was driving to pick Tammy up from work.  This show followed their journalist as they fled the eastern half of Ukraine with much of the civilian population.

They discussed how the women and children were saying good-bye to their husbands and fathers who had to stay behind.  And I suddenly realized that is exactly what my two friends have had to do in the last week or so.

Connection breeds compassion.

It is always so easy to be angry and to take sides when you diligently avoid making any real and lasting contact with those you have decided to disagree with.  "They" are not actually human as long as you don't interact in good faith.  It's suddenly ok if "they" are treated poorly or if "they" have bad things happen to them.... until it's "you."  

Then you suddenly have this belief that "they," and everyone else should be there for you.

Well, my friends.  It starts with you.  Be there for them.

Make a connection.