Missing Something?

We had the opportunity to go Chicago for Chicagopex a couple of weekends ago.  And, whenever the two of us travel, we often amuse ourselves by observing.  

Yes, you heard me correctly.  Observing.

Sometimes we try to pay attention to the number and types of raptors we see as we travel down the road.  We've been known to play the "license plate" game (how many different states have we seen and can we catch the elusive Alaska plate?).  How many people are looking at their phones as they pass us or we pass them?  Are there any interesting signs along the way?  

We don't just limit ourselves to those thing.  Sometimes we're just doing what we can to be open to the unexpected.  Or, there are the moments where we do a double take... "Did you just see that?"

We had one such experience as we got into the car to begin our trip back to the farm.  I noticed a very large flag rippling in the breeze and my brain told me something wasn't quite right.  Apparently, according to this flag, one of the United States fell off in the wash.

No, seriously, check the third row from the bottom.  There's only 49 stars on that flag.  

If you count from left to right and top to bottom, this would be the 35th state, West Virginia - if we can actually assign the stars in that order.  According to the American Legion, there isn't any official rule for this, but they indicate that it makes sense if you want to do it.

I certainly have nothing against West Virginia.  But, it appears someone with a flag making factory is holding a grudge.

Too Long on the Farm

 

Way back in 2010, I wrote short blog that listed some of the odd things I noticed that reflected how much the farm influenced what I thought and said.  I actually took the time to update it in November of 2020 because there was soooo much more!

The kicker for these is that, while some seem a bit silly, they accurately reflect actual thoughts or are a faithful recording of actual conversations and states of being.  Laugh all you want, but there are plenty of grains of truth here.  If you nod and agree, you're probably a farmer - especially a farmer of a small-scale, diversified operation.

If you don't get it.  That's fine.  You haven't experienced it and that's ok.  You'll just have to trust me when I say:

You know you've worked on the farm too long when ...

• ...you see the words "harrowing experience" for a Halloween advertising and you immediately think of a using a farming implement.  
• ... even worse - you consider writing a blog about your latest farm "harrowing experience."
  
• ...someone asks you how you are doing and you say, "the lettuce looks good."
• ...and the fall-back answer is "well, the weather has been nice/difficult."
  
• ...you know there are cobwebs on your hat from the Poultry Pavilion.  You've had people point it out to you.  And, you still haven't cleaned them off.
• ...stains on the knees of your jeans do not mean your jeans are not clean - at least from your perspective.
  
• ...you'd like to CHUCK the wood at the woodchuck.

 

• ...after seeing that Sesame Street clip, you wonder if the woodchuck might actually CHUCK the wood back at you.
  
• ... there is a small jolt of surprise when you meet someone who doesn't know what kale is...or kohlrabi, bok choi, etc (sorry, had to stick with k's).
• ... but after doing this for many years, you are now surprised when someone DOES know what kohlrabi is!
  
• ... there are six or more shovels in your possession and you wonder if you should buy a *few* more.
• ... and even after changing how the farm works and those changes have reduced the number of people at the farm - you still think about adding shovels, rakes and other hand tools. 

• ... you strain your neck trying to look behind farm buildings and in the tall grasses by farmsteads for tools and implements that might be useful to you.
• ...and then after many years of farming, you start wondering how you can get rid of tools and implements that turned out not to be so useful and wonder if you should adjust and get some NEW tools that fit you better.
• ... you wonder if people are straining their necks to look behind our buildings and in our tall grassy areas.
  
• ... someone asks you what you've been doing lately and you are tempted to say, "Lemme esplain...no, there is too much.  Lemme sum up."  (Ok, this one is more of a thing for people who like Princess Bride than a thing for farming)
• ... you bite your tongue and edit your comments so they are suitable for the general public when you hear a non-farmer's opinions about the weather.
• ... you editorialize about the weather to whomever will listen (or appears to listen)
• ... all of your analogies seem to refer to farming, vegetables, poultry or ... of course ... the weather.
• Someone asks you what you did over the weekend and you tell them about the weather. 

• ... most of the catalogs on the end table have pictures of drip irrigation, greenhouse heaters, chickens, tractors or tomatoes on them.
• ... the back entry has twleve or more pairs of shoes/boots for two people.  
• ... every shoe on the back entry seems to have poo on the bottom of it when you need one that does not.
• ... someone asks if you like tomatoes and you reply with a diatribe about heirloom versus hybrids, the relative merits of trellising techniques and the yield levels of three of your favorite varieties.
• ... a picture promoting a cross country team makes you wonder if you could convince them to train on the farm by either fetching the needed tools, taking the harvested produce back to the packing are or (worse yet) you consider hitching them up to plows or cultivators.

• ... you appreciate Winter for the physical break it gives.
• ... your picture of Summer when it is Winter is always so much better than what it ends up being.
  
• ... your biggest gripe about Winter has less to do with cold, wind, snow or ice and MORE to do with the lack of daylight hours so you can do work outside.
• ... the line between 'just enough farm talk' and 'too much farm talk' in casual conversation is too readily crossed.
• ... the line between 'just enough farm talk' and 'too much farm talk' is rarely crossed because you have convinced yourself that no one really wants to hear farm talk.
• ... you get surprised when people actually DO want you to talk about the farm.
  
• ... your dreams include giant turkeys chasing you with a wheel hoe.

I'm sure I'll come up with more at some point in the future.  But for now, I hope you were mildly entertained.  Have a good day everyone!

Farmer Delusional Syndrome Strikes Again!

 

November.  The daylight hours are fewer and the dark hours are longer.  But, the transitions from one to the other are frequently full of color and drama.  The moments of sunrise and sunset are enough to even lift the spirits of a farmer who has grown tired of the growing season that was.  And, depending on the farmer, it may even lead to a bout of optimism that might be less healthy than you think it is.

Yes, I'm talking about 

Farmer Delusional Syndrome

Typically, Farmer Delusional Syndrome starts the moment seed catalogs begin appearing in the mailbox.  It ends whenever it becomes clear to the farmer that they are already behind and their well-considered plans for the year are already shot.  This is usually April for me, but I am sure some growers might argue for an earlier date.  I just might hold onto my delusions more firmly than most. 

Is it possible that you, too, suffer from Farmer Delusional Syndrome (FDS)?  Let's review the symptoms together, shall we?

1. Do you circle forty new varieties and three to five completely new vegetable types to 'trial' for the coming season in the first catalog you see?

If the answer is yes, you might simply suffer from Gardener Delusional Syndrome (GDS), a closely related malady.  The main differences have to do with volume.  A person with GDS might be thinking about growing a couple of plants of each thing.  We're talking about FDS when the individual already has a list of oh... say... one hundred vegetable varieties that are on the "must grow" list and a "trial of a few plants" is typically just "a few hundred row feet."

A person who suffers from FDS  thinks they can squeeze all of these crops into their system somehow.  Or, even if they don't believe that, they at least believe they'll be able to set aside more time to investigate these options in order to make the "best" choice before seed trays need to be started.

2. The farmer forgets that pictures like this one don't show the ENTIRE field.

And they forget the field doesn't STAY this way.

Every grower who records a season's progress with photos falls prey to exactly the same thing I do each season.  I just cannot help but immortalize those moments in the field when everything actually manages to look the way I dreamt them up to be.  It may only happen a few times each year.  But, by golly!  I'm going to get a photo of it so I can blow it up and hang it in my brain to remind me that it CAN be done.

Unfortunately for the sufferer of FDS, images like this only feed the insanity.  Suddenly, every field WILL look like this in the coming year.  And, it will look like that all the time!  And...um.... that back corner that didn't get cleaned up just prior to the photo won't be there either.

3. It's cold outside right now.  Like most people in Iowa, the sufferer of FDS idealizes warm June, July and/or August days.  

Yes, those days.  The ones where we have often gone through three, four, five and even SIX t-shirts as they get soaked by sweat.  Days where we have been known to go see a movie we didn't want to see just to get into air conditioning for a little while at the end of the day. 

4. The farmer sees nothing wrong with a calendar that includes five or more good sized projects in April and May. 

After all, getting plants started, handling sales, planting a majority of the crops and dealing with poultry chicks only take "a couple of hours a day."  For us, it only gets worse as Tammy's time is pretty much monopolized by her work at Wartburg and we usually don't have anyone working on the farm with us yet.

The months may be slightly different depending on the grower and their situations.  But everyone with FDS conveniently forgets the tasks that just simply have to get done every year (or day).  Suddenly there are no labor costs associated with them and they always get done, to completion, with no issues and minimal fuss.  As soon as we convince ourselves that they will magically complete themselves, it's pretty easy to decide to add a small task or two - like, oh, building a new greenhouse or maybe tearing the old farmhouse down and building a new one using just matchsticks and bubblegum.  

Yeah, little things like that.

5. Every row is straight.

Straight as an arr....oh.

It's a good thing that drip tape is flexible, that's all I can say.

The photo above was a moment when I fully realized that other people do not have the same sense of straight lines that I do.  But, if you have FDS, every row is perfectly straight UNLESS you don't want it to be straight.  This is the time of year where a grower might allow themselves to consider more complex shapes and growing systems - and actually think they can manage it without adding lots of extra time to the effort of maintaining it all.

The growing season is when you find yourself adapting to complex shapes and growing systems because THINGS HAPPEN.  The off-season, when you have FDS, is the time when you willingly think about DESIGNING those things into your farm so you can deal with them ON PURPOSE.

6. Fields are dry when you want to work in them and rain only falls right where you want it to.

Ok, maybe we don't believe that one.

If you are really suffering from acute FDS, you will also believe that weather, in general, is a non-factor in your growing season.  Never mind that weather conditions may be the most important confounding factor during any given growing season.

7. Taking a weekend or two off in the middle of the growing seems like it shouldn't be all that hard to do.

After our first few growing years at the Genuine Faux Farm, we realized exactly how much the farm dictated what we did with the rest of our lives.  We knew that it was important to find ways to balance the daily farm grind with things that helped us to stay healthy and happy.  And it is a common Winter exercise for those who suffer from FDS to fervently agree that there WILL BE time off next season.

You can gauge the severity of this symptom based on how far a person actually gets in planning the mythical weekends off.

8. This will be the year that a major, unplanned for project does NOT cause us to re-prioritize.

No Snorts Allowed!

In a very real way, FDS makes a grower behave a bit like an ostrich (burying their head in the sand so they don't see problems).  The next season's plan is a place where the sufferer of FDS steadfastly ignores the bumps and the bruises that are most certainly coming!

9. Deer don't eat beets.

Or apple trees, or carrots, or... houseplants.  

And, rabbits don't cut down young pepper plants, cucumber beetles don't girdle young vine crops, raccoons don't eat chickens, woodchucks don't graze on trays of broccoli, gnats don't cover your face, neck and arms in welts, horn worms don't eat every leaf off of a tomato plant, dandelion seeds don't clog up air intakes on the tractors, tools don't break, seedlings won't dry out.  

The wind won't be THAT strong, thistles don't hurt that much, my body won't get that sore in May, cleaning carrots doesn't take very long and I won't let the pile of receipts get so big before they are recorded this time.

Those wheels didn't break, they just couldn't have.

10. A place for everything.  And everything in its place.

We like the sentiment and the intent - at the least.

This will be the year that everything on the farm gets organized.  No more walking from building to building trying to find the open-ended wrench that is the size you need to get a stubborn bolt loose on one of your farm implements.  The harvest bins will be stacked neatly and they'll be clean when you need them, so you don't have to stop what you are doing to make them clean.

That space you keep saying you want to set aside so you can more easily do maintenance on the tractors will be ready to go every time you even get an inkling that an oil change is necessary.  And, of course, you won't set something down in the grass path for just a second and then be unable to find it later on because you will ALWAYS be mindful of putting things where they belong.

Yes, sufferers of Farmer Delusional Syndrome always think that THIS will be the year that everything will work the way they've always wanted it to.

And the final symptom?

11.  The farmer spends time making creative blog posts about fictional syndromes.

Our first reference to Farmer Delusional Syndrome appeared on the blog on February 5, 2014.  It is likely that Tammy and I made our own personal reference to this syndrome - even if the name was not yet refined - as early as 2005, when Rob went through the process of creating a business plan for the Genuine Faux Farm.

In other words, it's been around the Genuine Faux Farm for a long time.  I think we now have enough experience with FDS that we can tell you that, even though it is not listed as a real syndrome, it probably should qualify as one.

Well, I guess we should get on with the season.  Don't mind me while I immerse myself in my own world of farm perfection for a little while.  Sometimes, I think Farmer Delusional Syndrome might be the healthiest disorder a grower could have.

Have a fine day everyone!

November, How'd We Get Here?

 

I thought I was just looking up at the trees to view the leaves just a few moments ago and now I look down - and there they are.  Still pretty, with their interesting colors and patterns.  And my body is just a little confused by the big change in temperature.  Sadly, Tuesday's winds did nothing to ease the transition in the least.  

Of course, we can blame the unseasonably warm temperatures we had just prior to the crash.  But, this has been a common occurrence each of the last several years.  One moment, things seem mild, and the next - not so much.  I don't really have the excuse that I haven't experienced this before.  I know I have and it wasn't that long ago.

Still, for some reason, this year's transition seems more jarring to me than some.  Perhaps it is simply because I just don't quite feel like it should be November just yet.  Both Tammy and I are feeling like we got here a bit faster than usual.  One moment, it was late August.  The next, we're saying hello to the gateway to Jack Frost's domain.

Up until the weekend, we still had some green.  But that was before we had temps enter the teens at the farm.  Even the grasses that were a vibrant green have lost some of that color.  The red leaves on the burning bushes and sumac are drooping and are rapidly falling as the wind pulls at their tenuous connections.  At this point, the slow change from the long, gentle weather is a memory.

If I don't remember to put on a jacket or coat, there are now consequences.  Sure, I can handle it.  But, as I say, there are consequences.  We've also entered the territory where gloves during even a brief chore run is a good idea.

Getting water to the chickens immediately becomes just that much more difficult because outside sources are no longer as convenient as they were just a few brief days ago.  Now I'm remembering that I need to set up water heaters and put up plastic to cover parts of the hen room we open up so there is air circulation during warmer months.  The crops that are now officially VERY DONE need to get cleaned up before they get either too slimy or too crispy for that job to be even remotely efficient.

And it all happened - just like that <snaps fingers>.

So remind me again.  How did we get here?

Not Responsible for Accidents

We were at Mount Hosmer Looking and Park in Lansing.  It was chillier than it's been in a while and it was cloudy and maybe not the most attractive day for people to want to visit the overlook.  So, of course, I enjoyed the relative solitude at a place that probably attracts a fair number of people on the nicer days.

They had a chain-link fence to enforce the idea that you don't want to get much closer to a precipitous drop-off.  It's just like scenic overlooks everywhere.  People are often not so good at self-regulating how close to get to the edges of the Earth.  There are even some that are unaware that there is a cliff.

Though, I would think the simple concept that a scenic OVERLOOK typically has you standing on a higher altitude looking DOWN at things below you.  It's part of the attraction.

Sprinkled along this fence were a few signs that proclaimed - in a no nonsense, unadorned font - that someone (we're not sure who) is not responsible for accidents.

I have a couple of problems with this (only two?).  First, I thought the very definition of the word "accident" was that no one was responsible for it.  An accident is an accident.  No one intended for it to happen - it just did.  And second, the sign only made me wonder who it was that didn't want to be responsible for them.

Is it you?  If so, you might want to sign your signs.

Coneflowers and Goldenrod

The coneflowers are just past their peak at the Genuine Faux Farm and the goldenrod is just getting going.  Of course, that doesn't mean we don't still have blooming coneflowers - they will have flowers for a while yet.  But, the peak, when there were very few flowers at the tail end of their quest to produce viable seed and most were at their very best for attracting pollinators (and the attention of this human) was clearly just last week.

At one point in time, we had some very specific places we had planted coneflowers.  Over time, the seeds have found new places to grow and the original plants are likely long gone.  Now they show up here and there, especially in the southwestern portions of our farm.

Goldenrod is not something we have purposely added to our landscape at the Genuine Faux Farm - though I wonder why we haven't done more with it sometimes.  Maybe it's because it introduces itself where it will anyway?  

Like the perennial planting by the cherry tree?
 

I wanted to clean that planting up this year, especially since we had lost part of the tree in the big storm a couple of years ago.  We've lost another chunk of it this Spring, too.  But, once I recognized this was a nice batch of goldenrod, I decided to leave it for now.  

All sorts of pollinators will love this patch - and I love our pollinators.  So... there it is.  As always, the hard part is trying to figure out the balance between some of the things I like with the things nature likes.  On our farm, this feels like a continuous negotiation that goes something like this...

Mother Nature: "How about a nice BIG patch of goldenrod where you planted those iris."

Farmer Rob: "Um...  I would rather that go over..."

Mother Nature: "And while we're at it, some thousand-flower aster would be great next to it."

Farmer Rob: "But that's where I put the iris and day lilies!  Could we just..."

Mother Nature: " And that cherry tree....  it needs some trimming."

Farmer Rob: "Ok, I'll take it down the rest of the way."

Mother Nature: "Here's a great crop of cherries this year."

Farmer Rob: "Does my opinion count for anything here?"

Mother Nature: "Wait.  Were you talking?"

It can certainly feel like two one-sided conversations that don't seem to meet in the middle.  But, I remind myself that we did introduce the coneflowers and Mother Nature seemed to appreciate that.  Our bush lines are homes to many birds and other critters and Crazy Maurice is here because we invited him.

So maybe we do participate a little bit in ways that Mother Nature approves of?  

Or maybe she just approves of our willingness to learn to approve of goldenrod and coneflowers.

Have a great week everyone!

A Ridiculously Good Game

In the Summer, we sometimes start the day off (after chores) with a bird game (Wingspan) and we often end the day with a bird game throughout the year.  I've written about it before, but if you don't recall this is a chance for Tammy and I to remember that we are not completely defined by our workplaces or the farm.  Instead, we are defined by the birds that we play in our three habitats!

Ok, no.  That's not really why we play the game regularly.  Well, the first part is - we are reminding ourselves that we are allowed to spend some time together doing something we enjoy.  It doesn't all have to be about getting feed to birds, irrigating crops, prepping syllabi, preparing for webinars and all of that other stuff we so often find ourselves doing.

Sometimes it's about getting both a Chihuahuan Raven and a Kildeer early in the game and finding a way to parlay that into 173 points.

Let's just say that it was a busy (and fun) game for both of us.  Even if Tammy is a bit sad about losing when she finished with 133 points.

For those who do not know the game, we regularly land in the 85 to 110 point range.  To exceed 120 is considered a very good game.  130+ is a rare exceptional game.

173 is.... ridiculous.  And we both know it.

Now, before you think the wrong thing, you should know that I also own the lowest score for this game too - and it's ... ahem... a little over 100 points lower than this one.  Apparently, my style of play is much more volatile than Tammy's is.

But, we both still enjoy playing and we tend to split the wins evenly.  

Though I might want to bask just a little bit longer after this one.

Spotty

If you have taken any amount of time to read posts in either our Genuinely Faux farm blog or the GFF Postal History blog, you just might have come to an opinion or two about me as a writer.  Some of those opinions could possibly be something like "how does he know so much about that particular thing?"  Other thoughts regarding me and my writing might be "how is it that he doesn't seem to know much about this other thing?"

Well, first of all, because I have offered up so much of myself, writing and publishing almost daily, it means I am giving anyone who reads this material ample opportunity to form opinions about me.  Some of them might be accurate, others might simply be the wrong conclusion based on the evidence given.  And, since the farm blog has been going since 2009, you might also want to consider that your opinion might have to be revised for whatever version of me happens to be in your sights at the time.  

After all, I do try to learn and improve - which means I am not a stationary target.

At one point in time, I had extensive knowledge about heirloom tomato varieties and characteristics.  This was partly because we were actively attempting to discover the best varieties for our farm and our growing practices.  So, I dove deep into that topic.

Now, I still have a decent amount of knowledge about heirlooms and heirloom tomatoes.  But, like most of us, some of that expertise has not been exercised in the same way.  So, I don't have everything on automatic recall anymore.  At least I have notes and writing from years before that I can reference and refresh my memory!

As I was thinking about this topic, I remembered the bafflement one of my Computer Science professors at Luther College had regarding my test results in his classes.  You see, I had this tendency to answer some of the questions with extensive and accurate details, including examples.... and then I left other questions blank.

Perhaps it was partly a time management thing, I'll grant you that possibility.  And it is something I've worked on over the years.  But, the truth of the matter is that my knowledge was spotty because it illustrated how I like to learn.  And it shows my dislike of trying to speak/write about something where I don't have acceptable (according to my standards) competence.

If I'm going to learn about it, I really want to do my best to understand it.  I want to be able to explain what I understand so others can understand it too.  And that's where the time management issue came into play.  

There simply isn't enough time to build skill and knowledge for that level of competence on everything that comprises any reasonably complex topic.  There never was.  There never will be.

As a result, I would run into a question that I hadn't really dug into.  Rather than writing an answer that I felt was not a good one (and waste the professor's time), I would just make sure I made it clear how well I understood the material I had gotten to.

Of course, this strategy didn't apply to foundational topics that you needed to learn in order to get to the really neat stuff.  I understood that I had to get a handle on those things.  But once I began to get exposure to a wider expanse of topics I would become enthralled with some of it and dive right in.  To some extent, this is still me.  I'll have those basics down just fine.  Then there will be a whole bunch of topics that I am comfortable with, while some "next-door" topics might not get much of a look.

Be patient.  I'll get there someday - I hope.  But until then, you'll just have to deal with a person who is not perfect and whose knowledge can be spotty at times.  The difference is that I usually have some idea of what those areas are and I try not to pretend that I do know that stuff.  I'd rather maintain my integrity and talk about things I feel I can represent fairly well.  All the while knowing that there is so much more to learn.

Do You Mind If I Smoke?

Wednesday was going to be a difficult day after a series of difficult days.  But I was hopeful that I could spend a little time cultivating in Valhalla (one of our high tunnels) or doing some sort of outdoors farm work.  Maybe a little time working with the soil and green and growing things would offset some of struggle some of the other events had introduced into our lives.

But I didn't count on the smoke.

Visibility fell to less than one mile and after doing chores and a few other things outside, I recognized that I was starting to cough and my lungs were starting to feel a bit tight.  So, I had to retreat to the indoors where we are among those who are fortunate to have some sort of air conditioning.

This Air Quality Index (AQI) map was copied from the Iowa Department of Natural Resources site at about noon on Wednesday.  You can view an interactive map here.  At the point I took this image, the IQAir site listed Waterloo's AQI at 189.  

This rating puts us soundly in the "unhealthy" range and on the edge (200) of the "very unhealthy" rating.  At least we are still a long ways away from "hazardous."

Tammy had checked the AQI numbers earlier in the day and reported that she saw readings in our area over 200.  By my observations, looking out the window or when I go outside, I am certain the numbers would fluctuate throughout the day.  Sometimes I can see the neighbors house that is a half mile away pretty clearly.  Sometimes.... not so much.

Perhaps the most difficult thing to swallow in all of this from my personal perspective is the comfortable temperatures and the nice breeze that would knock down some of the gnats that often bother us when we're outdoors at the farm.  It would be a great day to be outside at the Genuine Faux Farm.

If only you could breathe.

I recognize that my own little inconveniences only trivialize what is actually happening in the world around me.  I grabbed this map from a location I forgot to document earlier in the month of June.  And, if you're interested in satellite images that show the fires and smoke, I suggest this site.  This isn't just one or two wildfires, it is hundreds of wildfires all over Canada.  While I am struggling with smoke in Iowa, I recognize how much worse the situation must be for our neighbors to the north.

So, I guess I'll just deal with a difficult day in a different way.  After all, it could be more difficult than it already is.  Sometimes that's the blessing you have to count, when others don't seem so obvious to you.

Mythology: The Open Spot in the Calendar

 

I have a confession to make, I still like to use a datebook/organizer to keep track of my schedule.  Unfortunately, my job for Pesticide Action Network also requires that I use an online calendar tool that my co-workers can view... and add to... when needed.  I find myself going back and forth between the two calendars because, frankly, it doesn't make sense to put my farming calendar into the online calendar.  I don't think they need to know that I intend to plant some more seeds into trays this weekend - for example.

The farm calendar is different in that it doesn't fill up specific parts of the day.  It's more like a list of things that needs to get done (and they all take time).  Some are a bit more time specific, like morning chores.  The seed trays, on the other hand, happen when I get to them.

Even before I added the PAN job to my life, I had a tendency - just like many who read this blog - to see an open date or open time slot as just that .... OPEN.  In other words, if a person called me and said, "Hey Rob, could we meet about X on such and such a date at Y time?"  I would look at my calendar.  If nothing was written there, my answer was typically "yes."

If I wasn't thinking very hard about it.

After all, the calendar SAYS I have nothing scheduled for that time, which means I was going to be doing NOTHING at that time.  Right?

This is how I get into trouble.  When I was teaching, it always seemed like the dentist or doctor would suggest a time during finals week.  Of course, the suggestion would come weeks prior to finals and I would look at my calendar and see...

AN OPEN SPOT

So, of course, I would agree to put that appointment into that open spot.  This happens because I have selective amnesia when it comes to some of the busiest and most stressful times of year.  Perhaps there is a small voice in the back of my mind that is yelling in its tiny voice, "NO! Not then!"  But, the open spot on the calendar causes the rest of the crowd to roar in appreciation of the fact that a mutual time has been located and agreed upon.  That poor little voice knows better, but how can it get the attention of the decision making process when that process is too busy acknowledging the applause? 

OPEN SPOT... OPEN SPOT... OPEN SPOT... YAY!

The Open Spot Syndrome was bad enough when I was the sole person in charge of determining how (and whether or not) these spots would be used.  But now more and more of us are putting our calendars online to make scheduling "easier." With a few clicks we can load up multiple calendars and search for open spots.  Once we find a likely candidate, we can fill that open slot with an "invitation" to participate in something during that slot.

Even if you are listening to the little voice, it has gotten a whole lot harder to protect the mythical and magical open spot.  And, if you are like me, and you were already handicapped when it came to protecting these open spots, you can see where the open spot becomes more myth than reality.

The reality for me is that my schedule is not nearly as packed as I make it sound.  Tammy, for example, routinely has far more on her schedule than I do.  But, in addition to the scheduled items on our calendars, we have extensive "to do" lists or Very Ambitious Plans (VAP) full of things for each day that were supposed to be completed.  The time to complete them is supposed to be in these open spots in our calendars.

Yes, the very same spots we so happily fill as the crowd roars its approval and the little voice in the back holds its head in its hands.

'Tis the Season

Several years ago, Tammy and I opted to purchase a small, used, Christmas tree.  Okay.  The full truth is that Tammy decided to purchase the small, used, Christmas tree.  It was a tree that had some lights pre-strung.  All we had to do was set it where we wanted it and then plug it in.

Instant decoration for our Christmas holiday season.  

Now, everyone that knows someone who works in and around academics is aware that the impending end of semester work is all-encompassing.  Once the final grades are all in, a person who works at a college looks up at the calendar and is shocked to realize that they have only a couple of days until the actual holiday.

And they haven't even considered putting up decorations or baking cookies or... whatever holiday traditions they might have enjoyed in their life prior to entering academics.

It is not that other jobs aren't active right up until the holiday - they most certainly are.  It's more the fact that teaching just eats more and more AND MORE time as finals approach.  There often is no room for thoughts about much else.  So, the tradition for the two of us is to look at each other and say, "well if we want any decorations up before Christmas, it's got to be today!"  And that day is often something like December 23.

Once the little tree is up, we leave it lit for the next few months.  None of this taking the tree down on January 6th for us!  After all, it hasn't even had a chance to be enjoyed by then!  And, during the darkest months, we find it soothing as it gives off it's gentle, colorful glow.  It's a seasonal night-light at a time when the nights can seem so long and so oppressive.

And now, as the daylight hours increase, we finally took our tree down.  Our goal is to unplug the tree and put it away around the second week of March each year.  This happens to be about the time one of our Christmas Cactus decide they're going to re-bloom.

It isn't always the same plant, but we usually have at least one throw out a bloom or three around this time.  Our little friend that honored us with flowers this year actually gave us some blooms in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it seemed like it was holding something back then.  And, sure enough, it gave us some bold and beautiful blooms for March this year.

Flowers are a different kind of light that shines during our daytime hours.   The color and form of a flower soothes us in a way not unlike that Christmas tree and its lights do when the night is darkest.  And maybe that's really all we need sometimes - some light to remind us that all is not dingy, drab or depressing.

Monday, Monday

It has been a while since the chalk door in the Truck Barn saw regular use.  It was a regular thing to have a work list posted there so those who were toiling at the Genuine Faux Farm that day new what was on the docket.   Every so often, I would wax poetic...

For those who can't read the picture shown above:

"We like Mondays

Mondays are good

Some don't like them

Like maybe we should

Today is Monday

We work on a farm

Do a good job

It's good for the karm...a"

I include this picture in our blog just to show everyone that we have always done our best to maintain a sense of humor during the busiest times. It is also a recognition that today is, in fact, Monday.  Yes, we try to maintain our sense of humor on Mondays too.

Well, at least the day this blog entry is scheduled to be published is a Monday.  The day I wrote this blog was NOT Monday.  And maybe the day you read the post is not Monday either.  So, if it is not Monday when you read this, just pretend it is for as long as it takes to get the feeling of the post and then go about your day in whatever way you consider to be normal.

Proof that Farmer Rob has actually done farm work

I recently found myself sharing some stories about conversations that I have had while staffing our farm table at farmers' markets.  I tell the story about the person who wondered why there was dirt on our potatoes more often than any other, but I recalled these and thought they could be told today.

Once we added high tunnels to our farm, we worked hard to get certain types of produce out much earlier so we could provide a bit more diversity in product.  This was especially true in June, when the Spring crops are starting to struggle with warmer weather, but the warm-weather crops are not typically ready.   

The first year we succeeded in producing some excellent early broccoli and green beans (among other things), we had a conversation with a person who looked at some of our June produce and was incredulous.

"You didn't grow this?!?"
"Yes ma'am, I did grow this."
"How could you have?  You didn't grow this!"
"I'm sorry, but what do you mean?  I assure you, we grew this on our farm."
"But, it looks so good!"
"Um..... thank you?"

I'm still not sure what to think of that exchange.  But, they did buy something from us - so we'll take it as a compliment.

During a different season an individual was emphatic that we HAD NOT grown the produce we had on the table.  This particular farmers' market had rules that you had to produce what you sold.  You could not go to a produce auction, or the store, or wherever... and buy produce and resell it at your farmers' market table.

Now, before you discount this - let me tell you that this IS actually a thing.  People do that.  How do you think some farmers' markets have vendors selling things like watermelons weeks before they could possibly be ripe and ready in Iowa?  Well, they have a connection with someone in Missouri or Arkansas or the local grocer, that's how.  Let me also tell you that I am not fond of people doing that - especially when they do it in a way that makes you think they grew it, even when they did not.

In any event, the accusation that we had not grown the broccoli and green beans we had that particular season was a bit more serious than you might think.  Especially when this could result in our being expelled from the market.  While that might be a bad thing, it was worse for me because I really did not (and do not) like it when people resell product and represent it as their own.  So, to be accused of doing something I really find to be dishonest and .. well... bad... 

Let's just say it didn't go down well with me.

So, I made the suggestion that, if they would like, they could come visit our farm and I could show them where we grew these things.

They made a bold statement that they didn't need to see our farm to know that we hadn't grown this produce.

I offered that I would gladly take pictures and provide growing records.  After all, to be certified organic (which we were) I had to maintain records of planting, cultivation, fertilization, irrigation, harvest and post-harvest handling.  I could tell them more information about the product than they would ever want.

So, they declared that I was a liar and they "harumphed" their way away from us.  And nothing more came of it.

Perhaps they hadn't liked their Mondays like they should?

Well, I hope you (and I) have a good Monday, or whatever day it is that you read this!  Thanks for reading and remember to give someone a specific compliment today.

Worst Enemy

I have been considering re-reading some or all of the Harry Potter series in the not too distant future as a sort of "comfort read."  I don't think I am alone among people who sometimes prefer reading a book they have already read.  This is especially true when I am under stress or if I can only read in short bursts.

It makes sense to me.  The cadence of the story is familiar and, perhaps, soothing.  I can control the level of suspense because.. well, I've already READ it (duh!).  And, I can always discover some new details with each read.  On top of that, each new reading comes when I have a different perspective, which means the story actually IS a bit different each time.

My most consistent standby, over the years, has been the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien.  And I have many others that I have "re-enjoyed" as well.

There is a bit more comfort with the Harry Potter series because, especially early on, there is a certain light-hardheartedness that comes with a book written about and for twelve year-olds.  The opening of the first book is the type of beginning that encourages you to sigh and then squirm a little as you settle into your favorite chair for a nice read.  I still let out a soft chuckle after reading that Mr. Dursley had an "owl-free morning."

The Harry Potter "universe" introduces a few interesting tools that I like to muse on every once in a while when my brain needs a break from heavier matters.  One such item was the "Sneakoscope" which was supposed to whistle when someone nearby was untrustworthy (or doing something that was untrustworthy).  And another interesting item was a little ball called a "Remembrall" which was supposed to change color when you have forgotten something.

In both cases, J.K. Rowling, the author, doesn't miss the trick that each tool has its limits.  You can have something that tells you that you are forgetting something, but it certainly doesn't help you remember exactly WHAT you've forgotten.  And, a Sneakoscope isn't going to help a whole lot if you can't identify the source of the.. um... sneakiness.  If you think about it, the Sneakoscope could actually BECOME the problem.

But, in my mind, the real winner came to me as I was looking in the mirror (not something I do often), trying to figure out what was in my eye.  

I figured out what was in my eye - it was my finger.  

Ahem.  Anyway....

Another tool in the Harry Potter books is a "Foe Glass" which supposedly shows how close a person's enemies might be.  If an enemy is some distance away, there would be a very shadowy and unclear image.  As a "foe" gets closer, the image becomes clear.

As I mused about this, I realized I was looking in a Foe Glass.  My own worst enemy was staring back at me...

with a finger in his eye.

Have a great Friday and a good weekend everyone!

Rustic or a Dump - at least it's Authentic

I remember the day I overheard someone at a field day (not ours, though it could have been) say something along the lines of "why can't they keep their farm neater than this? It looks like a dump!"

To be honest, I had to admit that the particular area on this farm that was being commented on DID look a bit like a dump.  But, I also had been fairly impressed with the farm, with the farmers, and with the operation in general.  It was a bit distressing to think that this might be the takeaway this person would go home with.  It also got me to thinking about our own farm.

I mean, it looks like a dump too.  Except for where it doesn't look like a dump.

The stack of pallets leaning against a wall isn't actually awful to look at.  They have future purposes and they are neatly out of the way in their designated spot.  But, I suppose they aren't all that attractive either.  Let's just say they won't win us any "Better Homes and Gardens" awards or the praise of whomever wants to judge a working farm by what they consider to be positive eye appeal.

We have not yet used any of our valuable time to deconstruct or re-use the flair box that went on a running gear that we are using for something else now.  We also parked an old hayrack with its rotting wood and frozen steering mechanism nearby.  And, of course, we didn't take the time last fall to clean up the tall grasses and other plants that grew around them.  I guess I would admit, if pressed, that this might look "dumpy."

There is a bin just outside the Poultry Pavilion that has a pile of red and green hoses - all tangled up.  It's hardly the most attractive decorating touch a person could use, I suppose.  But, it is a good way to put hose segments that are no longer appropriate for delivering water.  Yet a hose segment or two can be useful for any number of things.  For example, staking up a tree - or putting a cover on the sharp edge of a raised bed wall.

Even so, I might admit that we've accumulated more of the raw material in this spot than we really need.

But what about this mess, Rob?  Let's see you explain it away like the others!  If this doesn't confirm that you don't care what your farm looks like, I don't know what does.

Well, you got me.  A pile of wood.  A pile of potentially useful wood.  But, still, an ugly pile of wood.  

I suppose you could argue that the wheeled contraption on the pile and the kitty litter buckets don't help with the ambiance.  

Well, the grass catcher is where it is because we needed to move it so we could fill in the pit that was in front of this part of the Poultry Pavilion.  The kitty litter buckets were in use to carry water as recently as this past Spring, when their handles broke.  Rather than throw them in the trash, I'd like to rinse them out and recycle them.  But, you got me, I didn't get that task done and there they are still.  

I am so very ashamed....  Alas for me!

I will readily agree that there is a point where the normal detritus and mess that comes with any operation like ours crosses the line and becomes a "dump." And it is one of our goals to avoid crossing that line.  In fact, there are many things we would love to find the time and energy to clean up a bit - and numerous other things are "in progress" and there just isn't enough of us to move to "complete" this very moment.

Part of the problem is that not everyone can tell the difference between useful items that are there for a reason and an honest to goodness mess.  You can probably guess that the rolled up hose in a cart with a couple of feeder covers is probably there for a reason (stored for the Winter).  But, they also probably don't look all that attractive either.   There's a pile of metal that is waiting for the next metal drive - and that's not something you walk someone by when you want them to think your place is beautiful either.

I will also hazard a guess that chicken transport crates are not likely to be most people's choice of decorative items either.

Oh, wait!  I was wrong.  Here is an ebay lot where you can buy an old, slightly broken down chicken crate for $245.  Or maybe you want them from this company for $150 each?  You can polish it up and make a coffee table out of it and sell it for $750.

Just use the words "rustic," "antique," or "primitive."

I guess I should NOT have burned that old wooden crate that could no longer be repaired to be useful.  Do you think if I left a little chicken poop on it it would have gone for more?  

Available, one primitive design, vintage antique with authentic farm ambiance (also known as chicken manure).... this can be yours for just $800.

I wonder how much I can sell the plastic crates for?  If I use the right words, do you think I can at least get three digits for each one?  

And now that I realize there are people out there who buy old chicken crates for hundreds of dollars I find myself worrying less about what others think regarding the aesthetics of our farm.  After all, it is "authentic" and it is "rustic" so it must be good.

And, really, the overall impression isn't half-bad even if chicken crates aren't your style.

Have a good day everyone!

What? Was it Boxing Day?

It was time to make a change.  We've been using florescent bulbs for a very long time in our plant starting area and, as most of you probably know, those bulbs dim and burn out over time.  In addition to that, some of the fixtures we have been using are showing their age and are less reliable than they once were.  So, we needed to secure new lighting for the 2023 growing season if we want to start some plants for the farm this year.

Well, after Tammy went about seeking information and recommendations, we decided to make the move to some LED lighting.  Our friends at Blue Gate Farm mentioned some LED tube lighting that would not require new fixtures and could be "daisy-chained" for the power connections - perfect for situations where the number of plugins could be at a premium. 

And, here is the top of one of the long (four foot) boxes we received when our order arrived.

Now, let me make this as clear as I can.  This is the top of the long, thin box (about 4' x 1') that says "fixture" on it in the first photo of this blog.  Inside of that box are TWO boxes.  Inside each of those boxes are SIX LED fixtures.  So, each long box has twelve "integrated fixtures" for our use.

See... here's the end of one of the boxes that was inside of the long box so you can see the ends of six fixtures.

So, you might ask (and rightly so) why this is worthy of a blog - unless I were to now give a review of the product?  

Well, this blog has nothing to do with the product and more to do with the packaging.

Do you remember I said the long box had two boxes in it?  And, there were twelve fixtures total in one long box?  Well we ordered 48 fixtures, so you might expect that these might come in four long boxes, right?

Wrong!

One of the long boxes came all by itself.  A single 1 foot by 4 foot by about 9 inch package delivered as you see it by UPS. Each of the other boxes of that size were placed in a much BIGGER and WIDER box (about 4' x 3' x 1').  Now, that might make sense, I suppose if the three long boxes were packed together into one of those wider boxes, right?

Wrong again!

In this case, each long box was packed into a single, wider box all by itself. That means we got three REALLY BIG, long and wide boxes.  Inside each of those was ONE long box.  Inside of each long box were two more boxes and inside of each of those boxes were six LED fixtures.

It all reminded me of this:

And, oh yeah, there was some crumpled up paper kind of tossed into the really big boxes in a sad, and likely ineffective if there were a problem, attempt to provide extra padding.

We're just still trying to figure out exactly why it was packaged this way?  Maybe someone heard we were looking for more space to grow plants and they shipped it along with the lights?

Boxed WHAT?!

I received a package recently that included a variety of things, but one thing really stood out because it set off the alarms in my head that said "BLOG ALERT!  BLOG ALERT!"  My sense of impending silliness quickly reached overflowing status - which is appropriate because we're talking about a liquid.

So, we'll start with the first picture where we can see a "prepared date" of October, 2022.  So, whatever it is must be fairly fresh - or at least I thought it must be.  And there is a "best by" date in October of 2024.  So, I've got nearly two years until this product "goes bad" on me.

Thank goodness, I wasn't sure I could have stood the pressure if it was going to go bad really soon.  After all, I need some time to consider my options!

So, what was in the box, you ask?

Yes, there you have it.  A box of water.  Two hundred and fifty milliliters (that's 8.4 fluid ounces for you 'Muricans out there) of liquidy wet stuff just begging to be used by October of 2024. I should probably figure out when I can put my consumption of this boxed water on to my calendar because I really would hate for it to go bad.  I am also wondering if it will go best with fish, chicken or red meat.  Anyone know?

Look, we shouldn't be so surprised that the water is due to go bad within a couple of years.  I mean, it's been circulating around the earth for about 3.8 billion years.  We had to expect that the expiration date was coming up sometime soon, didn't we?

I took a quick look at the label to find out where the water came from and noted that the company is based in Holland, Michigan.  So, I suspect Lake Michigan is probably not going to miss 8.4 fluid ounces taken from the approximately 1 quadrillion gallons of water in the lake.  And, it is nice to know that some company in Holland has reverse osmosis filtration to clean the water for consumption.  

But, there's no getting around it - this water is STILL 3.8 billion years old, filtration won't change the fact that it is really old, I don't think.

I'm also curious.  Flint, Michigan is only a couple hour drive from Holland to the east on Interstate 96.  Maybe they could send a giant box or two to Flint so people there could have decent water?

Ok.  I get it.  This company is attempting to respond to the issue that all of these plastic bottles of water marketed and used by people in the United States are adding to issues with plastic pollution.  And, all that water is 3.8 billion years old too.  So, when October 2022 comes along we're going to have all of these boxes and plastic bottles of expired, rotten water to toss out.  At least the boxes should break down... mostly.  But certainly more than the plastic bottles will.

And here's part of the irony of it all - Lake Michigan is dealing with plastic pollution.  I wonder if reverse osmosis takes all of that out too?  So, the box apparently is mostly not plastic (based on their description), but the water in it contains plastic?  Well, whatever, it's all just going to expire in two years anyway.  So never mind.

I wonder if we've considered how we should dispose of all of the rotten water once it goes bad?  Are they going to hire people to pour it out of all of the bottles and boxes into some sort of holding tank?  Or maybe some geological formation miles under ground?  I don't know - but maybe I should research it so I can prepare for the inevitable.

I did note that the producer of this product proudly claims that 92% of the packaging is from "renewable materials, mostly paper."  They claim that even the cap is mostly "plant-based."  

This explains something I've been wondering about.  Have you noticed that doctor and dentist waiting rooms, hotel lobbies and other similar places have fewer plastic plants than they did before.  Perhaps you have noticed that hobby stores don't have as wide a selection of fake sprigs of flowers for crafting.  Well, we've found the reason - mostly plant based caps on boxed water from Holland, Michigan.  What they don't tell you is that the plants were made of plastic.

Well, anyway, my own personal quandary is still to decide when I will break open this box of water so it can be consumed before it expires.  Until then, I think I will send a thank you note with a box of fresh, crisp Iowa air as a token of my gratitude.  

Just one problem.  I'm not sure how old that air is.

Nor do I know when it will expire.