Are We Amused Yet?

Our indoor supervisors, Bree and Hobnob (Hob is no longer with us) often got a bit tired of me trying out jokes and puns on them.  They told me by simply giving me "the look" that I needed to find a new audience.  Guess what?  YOU are the new audience.  Aren't you lucky?  

Well, you'll be really lucky if you get to the end of this post (which is highly recommended if you can stand it).

Mood Assessment

Let's start by assessing everyone's mood. 

I warn you in advance, you just might find yourself visiting every single one of these moods on the scale of cat over the next few minutes.  I can only hope if you get stuck on number 4 or number 8 that you don't know where I live or you don't have the energy to hunt me down after.  If you land on number 3, I want you to know that I've already started running.
 

Unfortunately, I am a farmer, so I really have a hard time trying to figure out where I fall on the scale of cat.  After all, if you believe the graphic shown above, it changes moment by moment.  

In my case, I think I follow a progression from 1 to 9 most days - although I might move #7 to the end.

You might be curious about where I was landing, as far as the cat scale is concerned, when I wrote this particular entry.  Well, I suspect I was wavering on the border between #3 and #6.  Once I was done with it, I am pretty sure I landed back at #1.

So, onto more serious business.  We've been discussing the legal structure of the Genuine Faux Farm.  We are thinking that we should change our farm name simply because I want to be able to put these initials at the end of my name:

Hey, let's be honest here.  We can name me the CIEIO even if we DON'T change the farm name.  It's our farm and we can do what we want.... sort of.

Our next trick is to determine what CIEIO stands for.  Some thoughts include:

Chief Informal Executive Involving Onions
Credible Information Exists In Observation
Crumpled Iguana Ears Ignore Owls

I'd love a few more ideas - so have at it in the comments!

The Sandman used to always let me try out jokes on him.  He usually encouraged me to keep them to myself.   Regardless, the following illustration made me think of the Sandman.  I wonder if he really was a dragon using an illusion spell?  I wouldn't have put it past him.

But, the real motivation for this post is this facebook post that was being shared by a group of farmers I knew several years ago.  Read the caption carefully and consider how easy it is to accidentally (possibly on purpose) a person can flip a couple of letters in a single word to provide us with a different word that has a different meaning.

Once I saw the typo I just could NOT help myself.

I decided I should milk this for all it was worth!  Gather around like cattle and ye shall be HERD!

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the farm to ruminate about ruminants.   I thought they might have a beef with me, but it turns out this was the udder kind of bovine.  I met a cow and gave it the nick-name "Cuddles," but it turns out that this reference turned the cow's stomachs (all of them).  

I tried to cross the field without touching the ground by leaping from the back of one young cow to another.  After that, I took stock of the situation and realized my calves were sore.  Now THEY had a beef with me.  I guess it was time to moooooove on.

I was wondering how farmers select a bull to mate with a cow and figured they must have gone to a meet market of some kind.  One guy tried to tell me that he had a batch of chicks and some young calves that shared a pasture.  After a while one young rooster took a liking to one of the bullocks, riding on its back from place to place.  He said they went everywhere together, including the county fair.  I decided that had to be a cock and bull story.

I realize that many people have not been exposed to the story about the cow that got a foot caught in a trap and had to have its hoof removed.  Removing a hoof is the equivalent of taking off ones toes, it has to be difficult to adapt to.  It was made worse by the fact that the other cows ostracized the hoofless cow.  Apparently, they were lack toes intolerant.  Yes, that's the untoed story.

So, now I HAVE milked this for all it's worth.  Why?
Because you have just experienced "deja moo" - the feeling that you have heard this cow pun before.

Now, go take a nap.  It's pasture bedtime.

The Sandman - Lost Archives

You will adore me.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

 

The Sandman, when he was with us at the Genuine Faux Farm, might have been the most photogenic of our cats.  I guess it is possible that Mrranda had him beat, but she really didn't want the limelight.  Sandman, on the other hand?  He always had something to say. Was always pleased to strike a pose.  Expected to get a lift when a passing farmer was walking by and let the farmers know if a skritching was on the agenda. 

While we have been deprived of the Sandman's presence for several years now, we still hear his words and find them to be interesting and, sometimes, oddly relevant.  Here is an interview we had with the Sandman several years ago.

------------------

GFF: Mr. Sandman, would you like to start with an opening statement?  If so, please feel free to make it now.

Sandman:  To all of the people out there who are hypnotized by my gaze (and that would be all of you), I call on you to heed me as I speak.  Then, you will take a nap.   I, the Sandman, have spoken.

He wouldn't "trayed" this for anything.

 

GFF: Well, that's one way to get everyone's attention.  Pressing on, would you tell us about how you came to the Genuine Faux Farm?

 

Sandman: You were lost without me.  You needed me.  Therefore, I am here.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

The director's cage.

 

GFF: I found this kitten picture of you and notice that you appear to be enclosed in some sort of chicken wire contraption.  What is that all about?

Sandman: Most of your readers may not understand this.  And I am certain you will not.  But, I was employing a mind-control technique to make you and the nicer farmer* more pliable.

GFF: Wait? I thought it was to keep you from getting under the tractor tires.  Besides, I don't think your technique worked.

Sandman:  You do feed me every morning?

GFF: Yes

Sandman:   You skritch me when I ask you?

GFF: Well... um... yes.

Sandman:  You let me ride on your back when you are crawling around in the fields?

GFF:  Ummmm.  Ok, I get your point.

Sandman:  Plus, I was darned cute.  You needed at least a little protection from that.  I am a genius.  I, the Sandman, have spoken (yet again)! 

 

* the Sandman had a way of putting a person in their place.  The "nicer farmer" was a reference to Tammy.  We suspect he might have flipped this if Tammy were doing the interview.

I have always been and always will be - cooler than you.

 

GFF: There are many people who look up to you.  Do you have any advice that you can give them based on your extensive experience as a farm spokescat and all-around fabulous feline?

Sandman:  You should take a nap. Perhaps you should also try purring for a minute or two. Just avoid snoring, it tends to pull your whiskers into your mouth, which is uncomfortable. I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Sometimes, it isn't hard to look up to the Sandman.

 

GFF: One last question.  Why do you end your answers with "I, the Sandman, have spoken?"

Sandman: Is it not true?

GFF: Well, yes, I guess it is true.

Sandman: Is it an exaggeration?

GFF: No, I guess not.  And, how did you get such a big vocabulary?

Sandman: You will not gain anything with this line of questioning.  In fact, you will end the interview now and you will find something else to do.  I will take a nap.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Pheline Fysics II

Pay attention!  This is serious stuff. I, the Sandman, have spoken!

Physics is the study of objects (matter) as it moves through space and time.  Yes, yes, I know.  The Physicists in the audience are cringing at the simplification, but we are actually going to cover Feline Physics today.  The rules are different, so a poor one-line summary of physics will suffice.  So there!

Also - the above statement was approved by the Inspector.  And, as we all know, if the Inpsector approves, it is as good as gold!

Cats in Motion
For some reason, it seems like cats have their own formulas that they follow when it comes to speed of travel and acceleration.  How is it possible that a cat can cover so much ground in such a short period of time and STILL make it seem like forever?  For an example, the short Youtube video above shows Inspector coming to check that Rob has closed Valhalla up correctly for the night.

This brings me to some points to ponder when it comes to cats moving through time:

1. How does a cat know what speed is appropriate to maintain a human's attention for the entire distance of travel while still frustrating them with the delay?

For example, Inspector will announce his presence by 'meowing' to the humans.  He has their attention.  They respond by saying hello and inviting him to come visit.  He accelerates just enough to show interest and to freeze the human in place.  Then, once he is sure the human is waiting, he decelerates enough to show that he isn't THAT interested.  There appears to be some sort of sensor in a cat that knows when to speed up a little when the human starts to lose interest and to slow down just enough to increase the anticipation (or frustration).

2. Cats appear to have the ability to go from 0 to 60 mph and back to 0 mph instantaneously.  How is it that we have not unlocked this travel potential ourselves?

Granted, it is not often you will see a cat going full speed all that often.  It is also true that you will find them sleeping (0 mph) more often than not.  Perhaps we just need to sleep more and then we can wake up and instantly travel someplace else at a full rate of speed... then sleep again? 

3. How do some cats know when you really need them to act like they are very happy that you called them over?

There are times when a cat actually shows a fair amount of... well... joy, when their human acknowledges them and encourages them to travel the distance between them.  It doesn't happen often and it doesn't mean they forsake rule #1 above.  But there are times when each member of the Farm Supervisory Team (indoor and outdoor) have made it VERY clear that they are happy to see us.

The amazing thing is that it doesn't have to happen much more than once or twice a year, yet they somehow manage to get the memory of that event to STICK in our brains.  Suddenly we are thinking that the cats ACTUALLY LIKE US.  Which, of course, makes us more tolerant for longer periods of time so they can do more strolling than trotting when they are making their way to us in the future.

Clever kitties.

Cat Gravity and Particle Physics

If you have spent any time around cats, you have likely witnessed evidence that they do not follow the same laws of gravity we do.  Watch a cat bound up or down a stairway, leap from the floor to a ledge 6 feet off the ground (with out a run up) or get startled into a jump and turn completely around in the air and you are seeing evidence that they must not have to play by the same rules we do.

It's even more evident that something is different when an older, heavier cat can make going up the stairs seem like a chore one day and then there is evidence that they some how got on top of the REFRIGERATOR the next day.  Cats are either natural sandbaggers or they have a "get out of gravity card" that they can play when there is a Spider plant up on the refrigerator for them to chew on.

But there is no place where the exceptions for cats are more evident than the human lap.  Cats have special sensors that KNOW when you are about to get up.  If they are NOT on your lap at that moment, they will seek to get there, turning off gravity so they can leap more easily from wherever they are to arrive at their destination before your muscles do much more than twitch with the beginning motions for rising from your chair.  If they are already IN your lap they hit you with the double-whammy:

a. they turn gravity ON so they become much heavier than they have a right to be.  It's almost as if they are saying, "NOW, try to move me, bub!"
b. they begin emitting "sleepions."

Sleepions are notorious for causing two reactions in the human species.  The first, of course, is that they may cause drowsiness.  The second is a profound feeling of guilt or regret that you must disturb such a nice, warm, sleepy critter just to do something as inconsequential as.. oh.  say...

Get something to drink.  Use the bathroom.  Go do work.  Find out why the fire alarm has gone off.  You know.. stuff that can wait.   

You can wait.  So there.

Brownian Motion?
A physicist might tell me that this is random motion of particles in a fluid, but I tell you that this is the random results on your keyboard when a cat decides to help you type.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Cats and the Passage of Time
We know cats are aware of the passage of time because they are very good at reminding humans what time it is.

1. It's time for you to feed me.
2. It is NOT time for you to get up.  I am in your lap.
3. You have nothing but time when I am walking toward you to say hello.
4. The best time for a nap is NOW.
5. Do you remember that time the cat followed our schedule?  Neither do I.
6. The sun puddle has moved, time to get up.
7. It's time for you to feed me (again).

Schrodinger's Cat.. for Cats

The basic idea of Schrodinger's Cat was that if you put a cat in a box with something that could kill it and sealed it up, you would not know whether or not the the cat was alive - hence it could be both alive and dead at a given moment.  Please note, I think we have to assume that Schrodinger had somehow created a sound proof box.  I find it hard to believe that any self-respecting feline is going to go down without a few choice words.

While cats do not much care for this thought experiment with that particular context, they do exercise this thought pattern every day.

Cat: Hm.  The door is closed.  I wonder if there is food or no food on the other side?
(you can substitute "human lap," "sun puddle," or "keyboard" for "food" in that last sentence if you would like variety)

Cats, however, really don't care about the 'both could be true' thought experiment.  What they care about are ANSWERS NOW.  This is why closed doors draw so much feline attention.

Pay attention!  This is serious stuff. I, the Sandman, have spoken!

Catmatism

I was going to call this "cat magnetism," and then I also thought about "cat hypnotism" and "cat pragmatism."  So, we'll just go with "catmatism." 

The cat pragmatism is clearly illustrated with the Schrodinger's Cat thing.  As I said, a cat doesn't really care about thought experiments, unless it is "there is an answer" or "there is no answer."  Why should they worry about "there could be more than one answer and they could be opposites?"  To a cat, that makes no sense and it makes no difference.  What matters is the answer that is WHAT IS, not what COULD BE.  

You could argue that my analysis here is incorrect because the very fact that cats seem to work to make certain things happen just might imply that they do consider what "could be."  And, you could have been right except cats don't consider that the opposite of what they WANT is even POSSIBLE.  

There is (food, sun puddle, lap, spider plant, etc) on the other side of this door.  I will get there and I WILL partake.

All of that comes about in part because of the hypnotism and magnetism components of a cat.  

Hmmm.  Why do I feel that I must pick up Bree's favorite toy now and wave it around.  I mean, she's just been sitting there... looking at me for the last several minutes.  Could it be?  Nooooo.  I WANT to play with the cat now.  It's my choice, not hers.

Right?

What it Looks Like When III

Back in 2018, we posted the wisdom of our Farm Supervisors on Facebook using the hashtag #GFFWhatItLooksLikeWhen.  That link no longer works, but we had the foresight to compile these posts into the blog.  As part of our Throwback series for older posts, we thought we would share the one of this set of three.  If you want to see our first and second installments, you can take the link.

What It Looks Like When

 

 

 

 

 

This is what it looks like when the cat population wants to stage a protest.  They execute what is known as a "sit on."

Some few people may say, "hey, that one seems familiar!"  Ok, probably only ROB will say it sounds familiar because he used this picture and idea once before in a prior post.  If you need a laugh or three, go check it out!

Perhaps the irony of this particular photo is the fact that it comes from 2014 and as of this Spring, we have none of these fine felines at our farm any longer.  Cubbie, Mrranda and the Sandman were a pretty cool batch of farm supervisors and they provided us with multiple photo ops.

This is what it looks like when the farmer tells you the story about the florist friars AGAIN.

Bree puts up with a great deal as an Indoor Farm Supervisor.  Rob likes to test out his pun stories on her first to see what sort of reaction he can get.  The photo above is a pretty normal reaction from her.  Kind of a resigned, "why me?"  Usually, she can be pacified by a gentle skritch or three.

This is what it looks like when you know something they do not know (he's not left-handed either).

Hello, my name is the Sandman.  I didn't know my father.  Prepare to nap!

We were sorely disappointed by the Facebook response we got on this one.  While we do not live or die by the number of 'likes' or visits we get in social media, we figured we'd at least get ONE response that would further our Princess Bride references.  Alas, a chance for fun and general silliness was wasted.

Yes, that IS a challenge.  I dare you to use the comment section on this post.  HA!  We have an overdeveloped sense of ... well, something.

This is what it looks like when you blame the farmer for all of the puddles that make it hard to keep your sensitive paddy paws dry.

We make no bones about it.  Farmer Rob and Soup R Cali the Fragile Mystic tolerate each other, but that's about it.  If there is something wrong, Soup usually gives Rob a look that says, "THIS is your fault."  However, since she usually cannot be bothered to do much about anything, she leaves it at a look. 

Since this post, Rob and Soup have entered a bit of a truce.  Soup asks for skritches and the farmer will often oblige.  But, she STILL doesn't like to get her paddy paws wet.

More Lost Writings of the Sandman

The recent rediscovery of some of my notes I had taken after various conversations with the Sandman led to a post a couple of weeks ago that outlined a few of that wise Spokescat's thoughts.  I ran into that pile of papers again yesterday and couldn't help but take a few moments to read through a couple.  As I did so, I realized that I shouldn't keep all of this to myself - so we have another entry of the Lost Writings...

The Sandman on Public Transit

On very rare occasions, the Sandman would listen while the farmers discussed various topics as they worked in the fields.  Well - actually, the Sandman probably listened far more to what we said than we know.  Whether he found much value in most of our words is open for debate (hint, he probably discarded most of what we said as human "silliness").

Anyway, once in a great while, he would weigh in with me on one of our topics.  His take on public transportation follows:

"You humans would do well to watch me - and even Mrranda, though she's not nearly as good at this as I am.  Cats know how to get from here to there.  It's all a matter of seizing opportunities as they arise.

If the farmer is going my way, it's a simple matter to reach out and hook a quick ride.  And it so simple to exit when you're where you want to go.  It's full service because it usually includes a skritch or two!  Public transportation should be about comfort and convenience - I, the Sandman, have spoken!"

I guess I did not fully realize until that point that the Sandman's penchant for approaching me as I went from here to there and voicing a certain inquiry was his way of "thumbing a ride."  He just had this way of letting me know and I usually obliged with the offer of one arm that he would "hook" and I'd straighten up with a passenger in tow.

If I had a free hand... he got free skritches.  That just shows you how clever the Sandman was... somehow I didn't know I was being USED.

Of course, I made the mistake of trying to explain to the Sandman that things were different for humans and the issue was bigger than that.  He would have nothing of that, basically reminding me that humans are usually pretty messed up and that they should be more like him and his fellow felines.

The Sandman even made mention of slower public transit options by taking note of the times he (or Mrranda - and now Inspector) might jump on to a farmer's back as they crawled along a row of veggies they were working in.

"Public transportation should be about comfortable feet.  If your feet are cold, find a farmer."

And now you know.  Uncomfortable feet?  Find a farmer - that'll fix it!

The Sandman on Sleep Deprivation

I apologized to the Sandman one day because I had neglected to allow him to hitch a ride when he asked for one.  He, of course, had let it slide initially because - well - why get all worked up about a human that is too dull to figure out his duties?  It's what humans do and you just have to deal with it.  But, when I came back around later he did voice his displeasure - after all, it was now convenient for him to tell me what he thought.

After telling him I'd had a bad night sleeping and was really tired...

"Humans are hopeless!  Ugh!  If you are tired, you should take a nap....  I, the Sandman, have spoken!  Now, I need a lift, give me your arm."

Underneath it all, I realized the Sandman had a soft spot for his farmers.  Few self-respecting cats would have taken as much time trying to mentor us as this particular feline did.  Sure, we were probably lost causes.  But, to him, we must have been worth it.

After all, look at how many opportunities he gave us to serve - and to learn his feline wisdom.

Until then, we should all take a nap.  I, the farmer who was tutored by the Sandman, have spoken.

Lost Writings of the Sandman

Ever since the Sandman left us in 2018, we have felt the loss of our most excellent Spokescat.  This 2015 interview with the Sandman gives you a flavor of his ability to command... well... most everything.

Since the Sandman designated me to be his most obedient servant, it was up to me to take notes when he was feeling like dispensing his wisdom.  As you can probably guess, I was not always completely ready when the Sandman was ready to speak (much to his disappointment).  There were numerous times I was fighting to scratch out a few notes while I was cultivating the potatoes or harvesting the peppers.  

You see, when the Sandman spoke, you listened.

You all know what to do.  Pay attention!  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

I was recently going through papers in the farm office when I came upon a cache of notes I had taken during some of my conversations (listening sessions actually) with the Sandman during his short, but illustrious, life. I thought I would do all of us a favor and share some of those notes.  

I am sure he would be disappointed to know that this valuable wisdom will have taken so long to reach the general public.  But, if I told him I was taking a nap - per his advice - I suspect he would forgive me.

The Sandman on Being Helpful

"I have found that humans just never seem to know what is good for them.  You wonder why I sit in your harvest trays or ask for a skritch at the times I select?  You need the reminder that I am what is good for you.  This is obvious.  Yet you fail to recognize it.  Sometimes I can hardly believe how much effort you require.

I will move you away from these failings.  I, the Sandman, have spoken!"

It is true.  The Sandman always seemed to know when I was not getting my priorities quite right.  If we dared to walk by him once with an armload of fresh produce without proper acknowledgement, he could let it go.  After all, he was a busy feline and couldn't always be bothered by us.  But, if he was giving you that look he had and you STILL walked by him going the other direction without proper recognition?

Woe unto you!  He would find some method to remind you of the greatest good.  And that greatest good was the Sandman. 

You may think that I am being facetious in my writing at the moment - and perhaps that was the initial intention.  Then, I thought about it a bit more.  

Running a small, diversified vegetable and poultry farm can take every waking hour of your day if you allow that to happen.  The Sandman regularly reminded us that a good skritch, or a few moments speaking with a wise spokescat, need to be part of the equation of a balanced and healthy life.  After all, there was plenty of time to get work done while the Sandman took a nap.

 

The Sandman on Proper Nap Locations

"Nap locations are all about temperature and the potential for recognition. 

Temperature is easy. A cool spot on a hot day, a warm spot on a cool day, or any spot on a perfect day.  This is easy and even humans should be able to figure that out.

On the other hand, excellent napping locations also fulfill the desired amount of recognition that a feline requires for any given moment.  If a cat is tired of the humans and their slow wit, we find a spot where they cannot see you.  And, no, I will not tell you where those locations are.

Most of the time I just want you to know that I CAN observe you if I want to.  After all, I can't have you messing everything up!

If you know I am able to watch you, you must do better!"

I think most cats are able to select nap locations fairly well, but Sandman was an expert.  He knew exactly how much exposure the humans needed to achieve the recognition that he required of us.  His cat "aura" would influence what we did and how we did those things.  After all, we did not want to disappoint the Sandman, did we?

I hope you enjoyed some of the Sandman's wisdom today!  The notes are pretty jumbled and some are blurred, but I will try to periodically take the time to get a few of them figured out every so often.

Until then, the Sandman would probably tell you to take a nap.

The Sandman Retires

We live on a farm, and we have outdoor farm 'supervisors' also known as cats.  We have been fortunate to have a good track record with our outdoor friends that have lived very long lives.  Cubby left us a couple of years ago and we estimate that she was approaching fifteen years of age at that time.  Doughboy actually moved with us from Minnesota and made it to eleven (or more) years.  He even had the grace to let us know, in his cat way, that his time had come.  He was even more friendly than usual one early Spring day... and then he disappeared, as only a cat can do.

I must be going now.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Two years ago, Mrranda disappeared from our farm at only four years of age.  Being the soft-hearted and ever hopeful sorts, we held out hope for far too long that she'd just show up again.  Perhaps Rob more than Tammy since he is a bit less realistic about such things - but we both hoped, even though we knew.

The Sandman gets a 'virtual' skritch from the Farmer's shadow.

And now, we have to admit that the Sandman is not going to turn up after a prolonged absence that began just before one of the heavier April snows.  Surely six years is far too short of time to have known such an excellent creature. 

After all, who wouldn't love THIS mug?

We do have some Sandman sayings left to share in the future, so he may show up in blog posts with more things to say 'posthumously.'  After all, he has been speaking for us since 2012.  We even asked our farmers' market customers to put words into his mouth in December of that year. 

Ever helpful, that Sandman.

Perhaps the most revealing interview of the Sandman is this one from 2015.  You can really get a feel for his personality.  And, of course, he was ALWAYS helpful - even with the harvest.

Rest well, Sandman.  We, your farmers, have spoken.

The Sandman Has Spoken

One of our Winter features will be introductions to some of the interesting critters that live on the Genuine Faux Farm.  We thought we would start by interviewing our farm spokescat, the Sandman.

You will adore me.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

GFF: Mr. Sandman, would you like to start with a promotional statement?  If so, please feel free to make it now.

Sandman:  Buy a pie pumpkin and some garlic from Genuine Faux Farm. I hear they have some available.  And a duck! While you're at it, order some chickens. And for goodness sakes, you should sign up for the 2016 Farm Share CSA program.  All of this puts food in my bowl. 
Then, you will take a nap.   I, the Sandman, have spoken.

He wouldn't "trayed" this for anything.

GFF: For some odd reason, I feel a bit sleepy.  But, pressing on, would you tell us about how you came to the Genuine Faux Farm?

Sandman: You were lost without me.  You needed me.  Therefore, I am here.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

The director's cage.

GFF: I found this kitten picture of you and notice that you appear to be enclosed in some sort of chicken wire contraption.  What is that all about?
Sandman: Most of your readers may not understand this.  And, I am certain you will not.  But, I was employing a mind-control technique to make you more pliable.
GFF: Wait? I thought it was to keep you from getting under the tractor tires.  Besides, I don't think your technique worked.
Sandman:  You do feed me every morning?
GFF: Yes
Sandman:   You skritch me when I ask you?
GFF: Well... um... yes.
Sandman:  You let me ride on your back when you are crawling around in the fields?
GFF:  Ummmm.  Ok, I get your point.
Sandman:  Plus, I was darned cute.  You needed at least a little protection from that.  I am a genius.  I, the Sandman, have spoken (yet again)!

I am STILL cooler than you.

GFF: There are many people who look up to you.  Do you have any advice that you can give them based on your extensive experience as a farm spokescat and all around fabulous feline?

Sandman:  You should take a nap. Perhaps you should also try purring for a minute or two. Just avoid snoring, it tends to pull your whiskers into your mouth, which is uncomfortable. I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Sometimes, it isn't hard to look up to the Sandman.

GFF: One last question.  Why do you end your answers with "I, the Sandman, have spoken?"
Sandman: Is it not true?
GFF: Well, yes, I guess it is true.
Sandman: Is it an exaggeration?
GFF: No, I guess not.  And, how did you get such a big vocabulary?
Sandman: You will not gain anything with this line of questioning.  In fact, you will end the interview now and you will find something else to do.  I will take a nap.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

One of THOSE Days

One of the things we honestly try to do when we go to our CSA distributions is to be positive.  But, every once in a while you just want to say, "It's been one of those days."  I suspect nearly everyone knows exactly what I'm referring to here.  It may be different in form, but the substance is pretty much the same.  Typically, it is simply a day where so many little things go wrong or get annoying that they accumulate and threaten to bury your attitude (and other things) by the end of the day.  Tuesday was one of those days for Farmer Rob this week.

Since it is now Wednesday evening, it seems like it might actually be an interesting exercise to make some fun of myself.  Why not?  It's good for me.  And, to keep you all from getting bored, I'll just stick with a few of the things that got on my nerves that actually are a bit humorous (from a distance).

The morning began with a rather startling note.  Literally.  We have an ipod player that allows us to set music to play as our alarm.  Typically, this is a very relaxing way to get up.  Well, at least, that is the case when you don't forget to turn the volume down the night before.  Hey, it's not that I must listen to my music loud - but if you're outside on a windy day and want to hear *any* of the music, it has to be turned up.

The upshot of this is that we woke up VERY quickly.  Let's just say that I don't quite know how I got to the player so fast to turn the volume down.  And, of course, the heart was racing pretty quick. Welcome to your day - and HOLD ON TIGHT!  At least the tune being played wasn't Adam Again's "Helpless, Hopeless, Useless."  If it had been, I think I would have taken that as a warning.

Feeding and watering the birds are two of the morning chores.  So, of course, I worked to do that.  The feed bin decided not to let the feed out - until it did.  A bit much for that bucket.  Oh well, scoop the excess on the floor into another bucket.  It happens.  And, of course, when it gets colder outside, watering is a bit more of an adventure.  Essentially, the level of annoyance when water splashes on your feet goes up as the temperature goes down.  And, since it was one of *those* days...I made sure to get my feet wet.  Again, we are sad to report that this one was also literal.  I really do wish it was just the figure of speech application this time.

I managed to get through the part where I was wielding a sharp lettuce knife without cutting myself, but I did manage to put my hand around a thistle.  But, that's not a big deal this time of year.  The hands can handle it.  The real fun came when I was cleaning the lettuce and pok choi.

For those who do not know, we have a packing/cleaning area that is open.  Tuesday was breezy.  The makings of a slapstick comedy routine were all there.  Farmer wants to clean lettuce, he sticks hands in very cold water and gets some lettuce ready to go in the cooler.  He reaches to put them in the cooler and a wind closes the lid.  He sets the lettuce back down in the water and opens the lid.  Reach for the lettuce, pick it up, lid closes again.  In the end, I cleaned the greens with one hand while I held lids open with the other. This comedy continued as I migrated to the high tunnel and tried to open the door with my hands full.  The results were predictable, so I finally sighed, set everything down and opened the door.  Happily, I have a block I use to prop the door open.

The good news - at this point, I realized that it was going to be "one of those days," so I resigned myself to not taking shortcuts.  This was a good move.  But, frankly, it probably is a good idea to exercise more patience anyway.  Thanks for the lesson, Tuesday!

Mrranda and Sandman are getting a bit more needy as the weather gets colder.  They see us less, and there are fewer people on the farm.  As a result, they are much more insistent when they want something.

Sandman "helped" me pick Green Zebra tomatoes.
Sandman: "Mew. prrrrrrrrr"
Farmer Rob: "Hello Sandman.  Please get out of the tote, I need to put tomatoes there."
S: "prrrrrrrr"
R ***lifts cat out of tote*** :  yes, you're nice, now stay out of the tote.
R ***picks some tomatoes***
S ***steps back into tote*** : "Mew. prrrrrr"
R ***turning to put tomatoes into tote***: "Sandman - stop that, I need to use the tote."
***removes cat and turns to pick more tomatoes***
S ***steps back into tote*** : "MEW! PRRRRRRRRR!"
R: Sigh.

Both cats also have learned that I go into a squat or kneeling position when I pick tomatoes.  That gives some space on my leg they can jump onto to get attention from me.  Needless to say, that's not really what I want to do at that time.  Usually, both cats can be dissuaded from these behaviors after one or two iterations.  But, Tuesday it was more like TEN iterations.

I took a quick break around midday and ran into Tripoli to check the PO Box.  It was all junk mail.  But, then again, that is normal.  On the way home, I looked in the rearview mirror and into the back of the truck.  I had forgotten that some things had been left in there after Saturday's market.  The tables had nothing holding them up, so they had fallen over.  Typically no big deal...except for the trays of tomatoes they fell ONTO.  The good news - many of those were slated to go to the turkeys and chickens anyway.  The bad news - now I have to clean up the truck.

So, I grabbed a cat and rubbed it around for a while on the inside of the truck... at least it was getting attention.

Ok, I didn't do that.

But, the thought of it made me laugh.  And, when you're having one of those days, that's all it takes.

The Sandman Has Spoken

We brought a picture of Sandman, the kitten to the recent Harvest Market in Waverly and encouraged people to submit ideas for a caption (or as one person said a "cat-tion") for this picture.

We encourage everyone to respond here or on Facebook with additional ideas.  You may also voice an opinion as to your favorite captions thus far.

Let's see if we can use the Sandman as a cat-alyst for some good clean fun!

Candidates:

• If I were bigger than you, I would eat you.
• Is that a fire engine or the new red truck I've heard you purchased?
• Don't you think it is a little early?  I was planning on sleeping in!
• More like community supported cat-iculture...
• Brussel sprouts?  You want me to eat Brussels sprouts?!?
• Oy! I wish I could get this Pink Panther them song out of my head!!
• Is that tomato for me?
• The kind of organic food I like is NOT green and does not grow in the ground!  Mousies!

And a few more we've thought of:

• That stunt with the alarm clock was NOT appreciated.
• Sing "It's a Small World" just one more time and you'll feel my wrath.
• I'm never good for the day until I've had my morning catnip.
• How may times do I have to remind you?  I am NOT your cat, you are MY human.
• Ahem.  You tied your shoestrings again...

I, the Sandman, have spoken!

The Sandman Speaks

Hey!  Buy a pie pumpkin from Genuine Faux Farm.  And a duck!  While you're at it, order a turkey.  And for goodness sakes, you should sign up for the 2013 Farm Share CSA program.  I, the Sandman, have spoken.

Then, you will take a nap.